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‘Lovelace’ To Replace Demi Moore With Sarah Jessica Parker

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Sarah Jessica Parker

I’m not one to report on celebrity gossip, so I’m not going to get too much into what’s been going on with Demi Moore lately, but suffice to say, the lady is having some issues that have caused her to drop out of the Linda Lovelace biopic Lovelace. She was set to play Gloria Steinem, who was a high profile feminist writer and political leader of the women’s lib movement in the 70s. Over the course of her career Steinem spoke out pretty regularly against the porn business, and in 1980 she wrote a piece for “Ms. Magazine” titled ‘The Real Linda Lovelace’ that acts as a framing device for Lovelace’s storytelling; so this should be a small but important role that’s going to require an experienced actress.

And, according to Inside Movies, they’ve already found one (which is a good thing, because filming for the character starts Monday). Apparently the filmmakers have gotten veteran screen presence and Sex and the City star Sarah Jessica Parker to agree to come on last minute and fill the role.

Lovelace is a movie that, if it got its first choices, would have had Lindsay Lohan starring and Demi Moore being featured in an important role. Due to real life drama it’s now a film starring Amanda Seyfried with Sarah Jessica Parker being featured in an important role. It’s funny how sometimes things not working out initially can end up working in your favor in the long run. I had little interest in seeing this movie when it was going to be Lindsay Lohan’s latest publicity stunt, but Amanda Seyfried is an actress that I like a lot more than Lohan, so now I’m definitely going to see it. And Demi Moore is an actress that hasn’t been famous for much other than being married to a younger man for quite some time now, so she probably wasn’t going to draw too many people to the box office. But now, by replacing her, Lovelace is going to pull in added interest from Parker’s legion of Sex and the City fans. I call that an upgrade. How about you?


Review: ‘Man on a Ledge’ Lives Up to Its B-Movie Title

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Man on a Ledge

“You know, Mikey, one day you’re going to stick your dick in the wrong door, and somebody’s going to slam it,” and that line represents Man on a Ledge in a nutshell. Goofy and laughable, but overall kind of charming. Director Asger Leth, with the assistance of commercial honcho mega producer Lorenzo di Bonaventura, has made a through and through B movie.

What you’d expect from a movie called Man on a Ledge, you get. It’s all fairly preposterous and thin, and Leth knows not to let it go on too long before its cheesy charms lose steam. The plot, well, you already know it. Anyone who’s seen that trailer has seen it all. For those of you who live under a rock though, Ledge follows Nick Cassidy, played compellingly enough by Sam Worthington and a dodgy accent. Cassidy wants to prove his innocence over a stolen diamond, so like any wise man, he escapes prison and goes to hang out on a ledge. But things aren’t what they seem, as is always the case. As he teases a suicide, his brother Joe (Jamie Bell) and his eye-candy girlfriend, played by the suavely named Genesis Rodriguez, go about robbing the man who may have framed Nick, the snarling David Englander (Ed Harris).

Yes, it’s all as silly as it sounds. That’s why it was a smart move on Leth’s part to gather up some strong actors to make not-so-strong material work. The structure and pace the script mostly nails down, but the ensemble has to put in the work. It involves pure thriller 101 dialogue and archetypes. The ensemble finds the proper tone to make sure every line doesn’t land with a thud. They’re aware of the goofiness, but they approach it in a serious manner, not with irony.

Even Worthington somehow manages to hold back a big grin during his moments. The only actor who violently nudges the audience to let them in on the joke is Ed Harris. If you didn’t think Man on a Ledge was plain ‘ol silliness, wait until you see Harris’s performance. The veteran actor has a tremendous line about how cocaine, prostitutes, and a private jet make for the perfect corrupt gift for a corrupt man. It’s the type of scene that come Ed Harris Oscar sizzle reel, it better be in there.

Need more proof of the film’s bravua cheese? The way Leth shoots Rodriguez gives Michael Bay a run for his money in the skeevy framing department. Bay always seems well-aware of the joke behind filming actresses like a teenage stalker. Leth, on the other hand, goes beyond joking. With perhaps an exception or two, Rodriguez solely remains in tight clothing and an extreme — and I mean extreme — push-up bra, never not being sexualized. Rodriguez isn’t playing a character, but one of those Victoria Secret posters that hang in the store window.

All of Man on a Ledge‘s goofball ideas escalate as the film progresses, and it goes into an even more entertaining direction come the third act. There’s scarcity in seriousness present, and when there is, one can’t wait for the return of the goofball plot mechanics and concepts to return.

The Upside: Fast-paced; cheesy as one would hope based on the title; respectable cast giving fine performances; Ed Harris goes as smarmy as a human being could ever possibly go.

The Downside: Only lets Ed Harris play smarmy; Why is Keira Sydwick here?; could stand to lose five minutes.

On The Side: How cool would it have been if the trailer only showed Worthington on the ledge, not the whole how and why?

Movie News After Dark: The Avengers, Honest Oscar Posters, Hating Movies and The Ecstasy of Breaking Bad

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Nick Fury

What is Movie News After Dark? It’s a nightly movie news column that frankly doesn’t have much to say this evening. So it’s all good stuff. Quality over Quantity and whatnot.

We begin tonight with a new image from The Avengers, as published by Marvel.com in a new batch of images from the highly anticipated film. In this one, Nick Fury, as played by Samuel L. Jackson, has some gnarly eye scarring going on. As if that guy needed to look more like a badass.

Paramount and Fox Searchlight will put Rango and Margaret back in theaters, respectively. One will try to boost it’s profile as it makes a run at the Best Animated Oscar, while the other will attempt to capitalize on a groundswell of support from critics after being shelved due to legal problems for years.

Seth Freilich has written an interesting expose on why Pajiba was banned from Sundance this year. In a turn that you might not expect, he is very fair to the Sundance Press Office, who seemed to be very fair in calling and explaining why. The reason behind it all, however, is quite interesting, raising a number of questions about whether or not filmmakers need protection from press. Either way, we hope that our friends at Pajiba will be able to get back to Sundance soon. They’re some of the smartest, decentest folks online.

Also in Sundance news, Brian Kelley has been writing Sundance Diaries over at Culture Map that you should read, especially if you’re looking for more talk about how amazing The Raid is. Personally I didn’t read that part, as I’m boycotting all things written about The Raid until I see it, which likely won’t happen until March. This is the shroud of sadness under which I live.

The Shiznit has produced a number of posters for a feature called If 2012′s Oscar-nominated posters told the truth that are worth a look. Including, but not limited to, these posters for The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo and The Help, the latter being particularly humorous.

The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo Honest Poster

The Help Honest Oscar Poster

According to a conversation that cinematographer Matthew Libatique had with Hollywood Elsewhere’s Jeff Wells, Darren Aronofsky will shoot Noah in July. At least that’s the rumor.

Film historian and all-around fine chap Zack Carlson has written an essay at Badass Digest about Why You Hate Movies. He’s attempting to start a conversation about all the Hollywood trends we, the Internet, hate with every fiber of our being. I’m not taking the bait — I’m too engrossed in watching a Donnie Yen movie at the moment, so all I have it love in my heart. You guys can head over there and join the hate-fest though, if that’s what interests you.

We close tonight’s decidedly short edition of News After Dark with a music video from Breaking Bad that will make it all worth it. You long work week, the commute home, having to read my senseless drivel. All of it will be worth watching The Ecstasy of Gold tribute video. That is, unless you are sensitive to Breaking Bad spoilers. Then you should not watch it.

Experience Sundance 2012: The Wall, Fried Chicken, and Goodbyes

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No matter how much fun a festival is, there inevitably comes a time when a festival-goer reaches a wall, a point where exhaustion and stress and bad food and frustrations all settle in and refuse to budge. I met my wall this morning, my alarm blaring away at 7:15AM as I lay slack-jawed and stunned in bed. Morning. More. More things. I did the only thing I could do. I got up.

The first stop of this bleak morning? The coffee bar at Sundance HQ! Take me away, iced non-fat mocha! The second stop? The press office at Sundance HQ! Where I embarrassed myself by asking for a ticket to tomorrow night’s Closing Night Party. I was gently told that I had completely misread the email about tickets, and that they were not available until tomorrow morning. Slack-jawed again. I think that I just walked away without saying a damn thing to the helpful volunteer that helped me. From there, I stumbled over to Eccles to see Hello I Must Be Going with James Rocchi. The film was really an unexpected delight – a formulaic indie flick about lives redirected that’s elevated by strong performances and a lot of humor that’s rooted in truth. I was revived!

Until I had to haul my ass to a shuttle, anxious to make my next screening all the way at the Egyptian on Main St. After a huff-and-puff run up the hill (thanks to both the high altitude and the incline, even I was a tad winded), I found a seriously great seat at the lovely, old school Egyptian Theatre. I celebrated my doing total violence against a bag of potato chips and a Diet Coke. Violence. And why the puffing, huffing, and chip-murdering? To see Andrea Arnold’s Wuthering Heights, one of my most anticipated films of the festival. A gorgeous visual feast, it’s a sumptuous and sensual film, just heaven on the eyes. Emotionally, though, it’s a toughie – for the sole reason that the characters of Cathy and Heathcliff are awful, selfish, wretched people. Their love story is one of destruction of all kinds, and Arnold rendered it in a way that is true to its source material.

After Wuthering? Fried chicken back at HQ! I spotted this lunch special back on Saturday and have been waiting for it ever since. Fried chicken, mashed potatoes, and gravy. It was heart-clogging and delicious. Four out of six at our table (myself, Allison, Dan Mecca, Katey Rich, Jordan Hoffman, and Matt Patches) got it, and no one left with an empty belly.

After stuffing ourselves silly, Jordan and I made the run over to Eccles to check out Smashed. Jordan Raup and Germain Lussier claimed some amazing seats for us in the theater’s front section and I settled in for a tale of love gone awry by way of alcoholism. The film benefits immensely from the lead performance by Mary Elizabeth Winstead, but it’s otherwise a bit slim. Clocking in at age 85 minutes, it shouldn’t surprise that a fade to black, followed by a swift jump forward in time rounds out the film’s abbreviated final third.

After all that? Well, I think there was a shuttle and I think I laid down for a bit and then it was back on a shuttle and then there was a breakfast sandwich and then suddenly I was seated at the Marc for my next film. 

The Queen of Versailles is, hands down, the best documentary I’ve seen at the festival. The film comes from Lauren Greenfield, director of Sundance doc Thin, and it chronicles the (controversial words coming) rags-to-riches-to-rags story of David and Jackie Siegel. The Florida couple is famous for building America’s biggest single family residence, a veritable palace based on Versailles. David is one of the world’s biggest time share owners and developers in the world, and the film starts off documenting their wild lifestyle, until it takes a turn in the aftermath of 2008’s market collapse. It’s hilarious and wacky and infuriating and a hell of a watch. Review to come.

As it was the last night of Sundance for a number of our friends, we decided to celebrate one last hurrah together. A trek up Main St. to a condo for an “end of Sundance” party, boxes of beer in hand, and well, I’ll leave it at that.

Tomorrow: Picking up party tickets, 2 Days In New York, moving hotels, West of Memphis, and the Closing Night Party.

Snuggle up with the rest of our Sundance 2012 coverage

Sundance 2012 Review: Heartfelt and Funny ‘Your Sister’s Sister’ Bonded By Solid Performances

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Your Sister’s Sister is perhaps the most high-concept movie I saw at this year’s Sundance Film Festival, but it’s also one of the funniest and most heartfelt. Sometimes, a precise, discernible pitch really does have potential. And after this film and Humpday (in which two straight male friends decide to make an amateur porn film together), writer-director Lynn Shelton is fast establishing herself as one of the independent film world’s masters of such fare.

Her new picture parallels pensive shots of the pristine, misty splendor of the Pacific Northwest with the story of three lonely, likable locals who are searching for happiness. Mark Duplass stars as the directionless Jack, struggling to cope with the recent death of his brother. Emily Blunt plays Jack’s best friend Iris, who is also his brother’s former girlfriend. To clear his head, she offers him the run of her family’s vacation home on a picturesque island off the Washington coast. Iris’s half-sister Hannah (Rosemarie DeWitt) is already there, though, looking to escape a trauma of her own: the end of a seven-year relationship. A drunken night with Jack leads to hilariously awkward sex and, eventually, serious consequences when Iris unexpectedly shows up the next day.

On its simplest level, the movie offers the chance to hang out with enormously appealing characters imbued with three-dimensional vibrancy by the terrific actors. As this is a slow-building, deceptively low-key film, with a narrative that doesn’t rely on grandiose revelations or over-the-top dramatics, spending time with these characters must be a pleasure, not a chore. The cast pulls it off: Duplass is more likable than he’s even been, Blunt exudes kindheartedness, and DeWitt adds a quieter, soulful sadness to the mix.

They master Shelton’s clear-eyed naturalistic dialogue, which has a way of cutting through the fat in a scene and getting at its emotional truth in serious, sincere and funny ways. Gradually, it becomes apparent that the film is structured around a clever and sensible quasi-twist, which I won’t specify here, but even then Shelton is primarily focused on developing her characters in a meaningful fashion.

In some ways this is an archetypal Sundance film, but it’s such a grounded enterprise that you forgive it some clichés. It’s easy to emotionally invest in these three actors, who play such openhearted, relatable people, and Shelton looks at the construction of the threesome’s offbeat bond with the patience and smarts of a filmmaker who trusts her actors to communicate what needs to be communicated. What ultimately emerges, then, is a hopeful, upbeat film about people finding comfort and strength in their loved ones, a rare feel-good movie that truly earns that designation.

The Upside: The movie is authentically funny and sad, starring three appealing actors playing likable people.

The Downside: It’s a bit too minor to leave a standout, lasting impact.

On the Side: The movie, which will be released later this year by IFC Films, is one of the best 5 of the 20-plus films I saw at Sundance.

Snuggle up with the rest of our Sundance 2012 coverage

Sundance 2012 Interview: Hydration and Anticipation with First-Time Sundancer, Movie Critic William Goss

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It is the last day of the Sundance Film Festival, so let’s send out our interview series not with a bear or a returning critic, but with a Sundance newbie. By now, critic William Goss has acclimated almost entirely to the festival, so let’s have some serious fun looking back at what he was looking forward to at the start of the fest.

Critic for a bevy of outlets, currently including MSN Movies, Film.com, and The Playlist, Goss knows his festivals and his movies. A Floridian who recently moved to Austin, most of his festival experiences have been in temperate climes. That is, of course, until the ‘dance.

How many times have you been to Sundance?

None.

What Sundance film(s) are you most anticipating seeing this year?

The Raid, Wrong, and Oslo August 31st.

What is your favorite Sundance film you have ever seen?

In the Loop.

What are you most looking forward to at this year’s Sundance?

Bitching about the weather and the lines and the shuttles on Twitter.

What tips have people given you for your first Sundance?

Drink plenty of water. I’m guessing that means it’s a dry heat…?

What piece of cold weather apparel will you be clinging to the most?

ALL OF IT.

What venue are you most excited about seeing in person?

People mention the Yarrow a lot. So whether I should be or not, I’m excited about that.

What else will you be doing in Park City when you’re not at Sundance?

ALL OF IT.

What other festivals do you enjoy going to?

SXSW and Fantastic Fest.

Why do you think Sundance is important?

“The impression that I get is that it’s a great place to discover up-and-coming filmmakers that also fosters established talent and is COLD AS HELL.” -A Former Floridian

Snuggle up with the rest of our Sundance 2012 coverage

Sundance 2012 Review: Sweet and Funny ‘Hello I Must Be Going’ Never Overstays Its Welcome

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Last year’s Sundance Film Festival saw an uptick in films regarding, weirdly enough, cults and cult-like sensibilities. This year’s theme has turned to an appropriate cousin to the dangers of indoctrination – the crumbling of the American dream. Characters that bought into what they thought they could (and should) get out of life have faced copious crises throughout the festival’s films, and Todd Louiso‘s lovely Hello I Must Be Going distills those big ideas and issues down to focus on just one victim of the American nightmare.

Perpetual supporting standout Melanie Lynskey leads the film as directionless thirtysomething Amy Minsky. Amy’s happy (in her eyes) marriage to David (Dan Futterman) has recently ended, and she’s left with one place to go – back to her parents’ home in chi-chi suburban Connecticut. Without a job, a finished degree, friends, or most of her belongings, Amy is forced to acclimate to Ruth (Blythe Danner) and Stan (John Rubinstein) as they embark on the next step of their lives. In Louiso and screenwriter Sarah Koskoff‘s spin on a “one last job” film, Stan has one more big fish client to land before retiring – an engagement that could be ruined when Amy takes up with the client’s stepson, Jeremy (Christopher Abbott), who just happens to be only nineteen-years-old.

Hello I Must Be Going‘s plotline may sound formulaic (it brings to mind a funnier, earthier take on another festival film from last year, The Dish and the Spoon), but the humor that Louiso and Koskoff have built into their film, coupled with some really wonderful performances (particularly from Lynskey and Danner) more than make up for any originality issues. There is a genuine warmth to the film, and it clips along at a natural pace that should keep its audience more than just cursorily engaged (the film earned some big laughs at its screenings at Sundance’s largest venue, the Eccles Theatre).

What’s most compelling about the film, however, is Louiso and Koskoff’s easy shift from emphasizing Amy and Jeremy’s relationship, to focusing on their relationships with their respective mothers. Early on, it’s clear that Ruth is woefully out of touch – comparing Amy’s issues to those of a friend’s daughter, who is really devastated because a dinky publisher is publishing her second novel. The horror! Ruth’s world doesn’t include the sort of problems that Amy is facing – she’s so unaware of other people’s issues that she refers to anti-depressants as “anti-depressaahntts,” as if they were some nouveau French snack. Jeremy’s mother (Julie White) is just as deluded – a former actress turned therapist, she is, as Jeremy explains it, “really into being accepting.” Unfortunately, Gwen’s panache for acceptance has led to her accepting everything – even things that don’t apply to Jeremy.

As Amy and Jeremy get to know each other (both emotionally and carnally), both of them find themselves attaining furtive levels of happiness they previously didn’t think possible. But, of course, as a film about dreams deferred, Hello I Must Be Going is really about expectations, changes, adaptation, and regression – so even their deep blush of romance must come with some serious growing pains. A funny and honest look at how life never quite dishes out what we’re expecting, Hello I Must Be Going pleasingly tightropes between pain and pleasure, only hoping that its characters will also learn how both of those things must be experienced, often at the same time.

The Upside: Hello I Must Be Going overcomes its formulaic plot with solid performances, genuine warmth and humor, and some uncloying honesty about the nature of relationships.

The Downside: There a few lines that are total clunkers, and the initial attraction between Jeremy and Amy comes across as quite unexpected.

On the Side: Abbott appeared in another film from last year’s Sundance, Martha Marcy May Marlene. More indie cred? He’ll appear in Lena Dunham and Judd Apatow’s upcoming HBO show, Girls.

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Aural Fixation: Composer Marc Streitenfeld May Play to ‘The Grey,’ But His Chilling Score Won’t Leave You Cold

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Aural Fixation - Large

Getting lost in the freezing cold wilderness with little to no hope of survival is frightening enough, but when the threat of a killer pack of wolves start descending on a group of blue collar workers who just survived a plane crash, the stakes are set even higher. Composer Marc Streitenfeld creates a sonic landscape that is both moving and terrifying, perfectly mirroring the snowy landscape that surrounds these men as they try to survive the elements.

The heavy use of strings and piano are faint enough to keep from overpowering the already intense scenes and performances that make up The Grey, but are still powerful enough to support those moments and help add to the emotional weight of each actor’s striking performances. The Grey also makes an interesting choice in choosing not to turn up the volume or throw in a ton more instrumentation, even when those on screen are running and fighting for their lives. Streitenfeld instead scales back to allow those more natural sounds (and the sound of those ferocious wolves) to take over.

The Grey is about being in those moments that are not simply black and white. There are no easy choices and the performances on screen are really the meat (pardon the pun) of the film. Streitenfeld plays into these moments with a score that does not make any broad statements, instead merely underscoring the emotions on screen. The premise of the film is simple (and summed up as the film’s tag line), “Live or die on this day,” and the music keeps pace with this simplistic idea, even fading into nothingness on tracks like “Last Walk.”

On its own, the music is simply beautiful and within the film it works as a stark contrast to the horror and misery on screen. The strings that come in on the track, “You Are Gonna Die,” are haunting in their melancholy and truly paints the feeling the situation these men are in. While there is no question that these characters are in an awful and horrifying situation, there are moments where their surroundings are so striking in their beauty that even the characters on screen are forced to stop and take it in, with the music working to highlight the sad irony of that reality.

While watching The Grey, the music stood out due to its beauty and was sometimes the only sound accompanying what was happening on screen. Obviously in such an extreme and unpredictable situation, dealing with loss is inevitable and as Ottway (Liam Neeson) ushers a badly injured colleague through his pain, he describes death as being warm and makes it sound almost comforting rather than something to fear. Streitenfeld seems to take a cue from this idea by creating a score that is beautiful and comforting rather than competing with the intensity happening in the film itself. Certainly in the more harrowing moments, the score adds to the fear and anxiety these men are clearly feeling taking the strings from soothing to off-putting on tracks like, “Walking” and “Eyes Glowing.”

The Grey is an interesting concept that explores how one would react (and what those reactions may mean) in such a bleak and intense situation. A film about a group of men “fighting wolves in the snow” may sound silly, but ends up bringing to light some bigger questions that make this narrative an interesting exploration of human temperament. The fact that Streitenfeld created a score that sounds like it could almost have played in a movie about romance set in the Victorian Era adds to this different approach director Joe Carnahan took and how he wanted audiences to perceive and experience his film.

The soundtrack for The Grey is available through Lakeshore Records.

  1. “Writing the Letter”
  2. “Suicide”
  3. “You Are Gonna Die”
  4. “Waking”
  5. “Eyes Glowing”
  6. “The Morning After”
  7. “Collecting Wallets”
  8. “Wife Memory”
  9. “Life and Death”
  10. “Lagging Behind”
  11. “Running from Wolves”
  12. “Daughter Appears”
  13. “Last Walk”
  14. “Memorial”
  15. “Alpha”
  16. “Into the Fray”

All the songs on this soundtrack composed by Marc Streitenfeld.


Channel Guide: Kiefer Sutherland Returns to Fox in ‘Touch’

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Channel Guide - Large

In the soaringly earnest but effective Touch, Kiefer Sutherland barks so many of his lines with the strained desperation of an exhausted man who’s just barely keeping it together. He’s shouldering a tremendous weight and no one around him is sensitive to his plight. But then, he doesn’t really expect them to be. Best known as badass Jack Bauer, here, a more vulnerable Sutherland is Martin Bohm, widowed father of a mute, emotionally challenged boy and the nucleus of this ambitious Fox drama by Heroes creator Tim Kring.

Jake (David Mazouz), Martin’s son, won’t allow anyone to touch him and spends his days obsessively scribbling numbers in a notebook or fiddling with discarded cell phones, while his father spends the majority of his time trying to find a way—any way at all—to communicate with him. When a social worker decides that Jake should be placed in a facility (he’s been climbing cell phone towers), Martin becomes so fiercely determined to understand his son, that he googles “mutism + cell phones.” (Is this really the first time that he’s done this?) His “research” brings him to Arthur Teller (Danny Glover), an expert on kids who have the ability to perceive seemingly hidden patterns in numbers.

Apparently, Jake can see all of the ratios and numerical strings that tether every life on the planet together. He understands the link between the past, present, and future, essentially giving him the ability to predict events. Teller tells Martin that Jake is trying to connect people and that, as the boy’s father, it’s his job, “his fate, his destiny” to help. In the first episode, or “preview event” as it was dubbed by the hype men over at Fox (the show’s first season won’t actually begin until March), the lives of a Londoner, a young boy from Baghdad, an Irish singer, and a Japanese woman all become entwined.

Touch is like Alejandro González Iñárritu’s Babel but without any of the subtlety. The show’s message—we’re all interconnected and can impact each other’s lives in powerful ways—is right there on the surface. In fact, it’s explicitly stated several times. Touch’s most glaring fault is that it isn’t as imaginative as it should be. Kring is so concerned with the scope of the series—developing this poignant, wide-reaching narrative—that he seems to have forgotten to create believable, multi-dimensional characters. Obviously the disparate people from around the globe being brought together by Jake’s beautiful mind, aren’t supposed to be totally fleshed out but, at least in this first episode, their stories aren’t just abridged, they’re oversimplified and stereotypical. Yup, the Japanese woman, a prostitute, does wear a school girl outfit. Even Teller, who will be a recurring character, is flat. He walks around his cluttered house in a robe, he has a cat and an unkempt yard, he says things like “Fibonacci sequence.” He’s one of those eccentric guys, operating on the fringes of academia, that we, as people who watch movies and TV, instinctively know have all the answers. When Martin goes to see him he says, “let me guess, your kid keeps climbing a cell tower,” and really drives home that trope.

Fortunately, Touch works better when it focuses on Martin and Jake. We are supposed to be touched by the way that this boy who doesn’t like to be touched is touching the lives of people who need to be touched (and I will admit that that drama did stir up some emotions for me, albeit in a superficial, Hallmark greeting card commercial way), but what’s actually touch— err…moving about this series is the relationship between its two protagonists. When Martin, who has clearly devoted his entire life to his son, is forced to temporarily relinquish custody of Jake, his desperation, his helplessness is palpable—this is the core of the show and what makes it worth watching.

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Exploring The Twilight Zone #147: Sounds and Silences

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With the entire original run of The Twilight Zone available to watch instantly, we’re partnering with Twitch Film to cover all of the show’s 156 episodes. Are you brave enough to watch them all with us?

The Twilight Zone (Episode #147): “Sounds and Silences” (airdate 4/3/64)

The Plot: A large, loud man in love with volume finds himself in an audio nightmare.

The Goods: Roswell G. Flemington is the captain of a model ship building office where he treats his employees to rants and insults as well as classical music blasting from the speakers. He likes it loud, and he expects everyone else does too. They don’t of course, and neither does his wife who has grown sick of playing second fiddle to a grand orchestral cacophony of other noises. Roswell couldn’t care less about any of them though, but the tables turn one day when every single noise becomes a thundering boom between his ears.

“This is Roswell G. Flemington. 220lbs of gristle, lung tissue and sound decibels.”

Doors closing, shoes squeaking, and even air bubbles in a water bottle begin to echo loudly in Roswell’s head, and the constant clamor begins to drive him nuts. His visit to his doctor results in a referral for a psychiatrist, but this same doctor sees nothing wrong with clipping his finger nails right there in the office so who knows if he should really be trusted. Roswell visits a shrink anyway because he has no other options, and it actually helps.

Talking with the head doctor reveals some sad truths about Roswell’s childhood including the fact that he was raised by parents who expected silence. Cookies were forbidden because they were too crunchy. His messed up home life contributed to his becoming a complete tool, and once he acknowledges it the excessively loud noises cease.

Until he goes home and realizes that the bombastic yet melodic sounds he loves on the phonograph now can’t be heard at all. As Rod Serling says, it’s “a case of poetic justice.” Bland, predictable, poetic justice.

Just about everyone in this episode is a dick of some sort. Everyone but Roswell’s long suffering wife anyway, but she acknowledges that he’s been a loud blowhard since the early days so she’s an idiot for getting with the guy in the first place. His four employees have a crappy boss, no doubt, but if they’re so unhappy as to actually cheer his possible death they should probably be looking for another job.

Disagreeable personalities aside the episode is played mostly for laughs. The ending of course is the punishment and comeuppance that viewers expect from the show, but until that point the main goal seems to be a focus on laughs. It never earns them of course, but that doesn’t stop it from trying.

The best moment is neither a gag nor part of the well deserved (but ultimately unrewarding) finale. Instead it comes when Roswell’s wife decides to leave him and storms off into her room. Roswell pounds on and kicks her door repeatedly, the noise booming to his delight, until she opens it and reveals it was never locked. It’s as telling about his personality as the rest of the scenes combined.

What do you think?

The Trivia: Richard Donner directed six episodes of The Twilight Zone, but people only seem to remember his first… “Nightmare At 20,000 Feet.”

On the Next Episode: “An unsuccessful ventriloquist starts to commit robberies on the advice of his dummy.”

Catch-Up: Episodes covered by Twitch / Episodes covered by FSR

We’re running through all 156 of the original Twilight Zone episodes over the next several weeks, and we won’t be doing it alone! Our friends at Twitch will be entering the Zone as well on alternating weeks. So definitely tune in over at Twitch and feel free to also follow along on our Twitter accounts @twitchfilm and @rejectnation.

Experience Sundance 2012: Final Movies, Fond Farewells, and ‘Nerd Prom’

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As Kate said in her wrap up from yesterday, the closer you get to the end of a festival, the more likely you ending up hitting that wall where it seems like you just cannot do anything more. But you do, because it’s Sundance, and yes you’re exhausted, but you’re also almost done. The last day of the festival is also always the most bittersweet since you say goodbye to friends and colleagues you sometimes get to see but once a year while at the same time the promise of your own (warm) bed, sleep and three real meals a day is so close you can almost taste it. Luckily my first (and last) screening of the day wasn’t until noon so I was able to sleep in a bit and eat a real meal (i.e. a delicious breakfast sandwich and a carafe of coffee) before heading to the Eccels theater, one of the biggest venues at the festival, for 2 Days In New York, making my final screening feel as epic as the end of the festival itself.

2 Days In New York is Julie Delpy’s sequel to 2 Days In Paris and actually ended up being one of the funnier films I saw this week (please keep in mind that I was sadly unable to catch either Safety Not Guaranteed or Sleepwalk With Me.) Chris Rock’s performance stood out to me the most (especially his scenes with “Barack Obama”) while the chaos of Marion’s (Delpy) French family invading the New York apartment she now shares with Mingus (Rock) got funnier the more things spun out of control. It was a nice note to end the week on, made even better by being surrounded by friends (Kate, Katey Rich, Ben Pearson and Jordan Hoffman) during the screening (like I said, things get a bit cheesy once goodbyes and “this is the last time I will…” start becoming a reality.)

After the film, Kate and I played a little game we like to all the “hotel shuffle” where we get kicked out of the condo we have been staying in all week and jump over to a Holiday Inn located in close proximity to the Closing Night party venue. It surprisingly felt weird to spend the remainder of the afternoon writing in silence (as Kate was off at her last screening) and I realized I had grown accustomed to writing with a bunch of people running around, talking, singing, rapping, laughing and the sudden quiet was actually really off-putting (i.e. I miss my condo-mates!) I’m not sure how this will translate when I am back home and writing solo once again, but it is good to know that I have honed a good “drown out the noise” skill that should (hopefully) serve me well in the future.

Tonight will be the festival’s Closing Night Party, also known as “Nerd Prom” (as coined by Brandon Rowher, one of Sundance’s publicists for the Spotlight and Park City at Midnight programming), where basically everyone left at the festival from filmmakers to programmers to critics get together to drink, dance and cling to those we know we will not be seeing for a while. I am sure Kate will have more details and hilarious stories about the goings-on that will surely happen at this event tomorrow as we look back on the past week, but for now I am going to try and convince myself that while thermal leggings and jeans barely kept me warm last night, tights and a skirt will definitely keep me warm tonight. In twenty degree weather. We’ll see how this goes…

Tomorrow: Catching a 4:30am shuttle to airport, flight home, SLEEEEEEEEEEEPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP.

Snuggle up with the rest of our Sundance 2012 coverage

Sundance 2012 Review: ’2 Days in New York’ Is a Mostly Fun and Frisky Family Farce

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Picking up a few years where her 2 Days in Paris left off, Julie Delpy‘s 2 Days in New York has moved the sometimes-messy life of Marion (Delpy) to Gotham. Marion has now taken up with Mingus (Chris Rock, playing a pitch-perfect straight man), a former co-worker who offered dry humor and personal understanding when her previous relationship crumbled. The pair now live together in a cozy and artistic apartment, joined by Marion’s young son Lulu (Owen Shipman) and Mingus’ daughter Willow (Talen Ruth Riley). As calm and lovely as their life together seems, everything is about to be tested over a two-day period, marked by the arrival of Marion’s insane family, the opening of an important gallery exhibition of Marion’s photos, and the unspoken pressure that one of Marion’s other artistic endeavors is putting her under.

Like everyone’s family, Marion’s family (all reprising their roles from Paris) is nuts – her father Jeannot (played by Delpy’s actual father, Albert Delpy) is shiftless in the wake of his wife’s death, her sister Rose (Alexia Landeau) is a boundary-less recovering nymphomaniac, and Rose’s boyfriend Manu (Alexandre Nahon) orders up marijuana to their apartment in the middle of a family meal. While all that dysfunction may sound heavy, 2 Days in New York is actually an enormously entertaining and relatable family farce. Highly energetic and often very amusing, Delpy’s latest is a fizzy little outing that will delight audiences seeking classic humor in a modern setting. Packed with constantly evolving relationships, clever little sight gags, and an always-amusing language barrier, the film was an unexpected anecdote to Sundance’s often heavy fare.

While the farcical elements of 2 Days in New York are a delight, Delpy often makes the mistake of shuffling some overly stylistic elements into the narrative that break up the ease of the film. While Marion’s diary-like voiceover narration of the film makes it feel even more accessible and engaging, stuff like quick-cut “history lessons” by way of montage, a scene told entirely in photos, and a wacky dream sequence draw attention away from Delpy’s adeptness at crafting the sort of farce that would make her countrymen proud. However, those bits all away in the second half of the film, and it clips along in an amusing and satisfying way, one of the true gems of Sundance.

The Upside: When the film is playing out like a classic French farce, it’s light and fluffy and incredibly fun. The entire cast has tremendous chemistry and are a joy to watch interact together. Despite how wacky the film might feel at times, it’s quite relatable material for anyone who has a family (read: everyone).

The Downside: Delpy tries to pack in too many stylistic choices that tend to take away from the rest of the film’s particular brand of fizzy entertainment.

On the Side: Non-spoiler alert – there are no Adam Goldberg cameos.

Snuggle up with the rest of our Sundance 2012 coverage

Experience Sundance 2012: The Final Countdown

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Here’s all you really need to know – after last night’s Closing Night Party, also known as Nerd Prom, your intrepid Lady Rejects caught three hours of sleep before we had to be up, about, and on a shuttle to the Salt Lake City airport. Ugly? You can’t even imagine how ugly. But, somehow, we made it, despite chatty shuttle drivers, breakfast sandwiches from Quizno’s, yet another tiny plane, and Allison eventually resting her body on the floor of the American Airliness terminal at LAX.

I’ve spent the day resting, eating a burrito (who knew that good Mexican food was so hard to find in Park City? I did. I knew.), hanging out with my cats, and wrapping up the rest of our festival coverage. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t already miss it, and I can only hope that you dear readers enjoyed following along with us, reading our reviews, and wondering just how the hell we landed all those sweet interviews.

Thank you to everyone who made our Sundance experience so wonderful, amusing, and productive – if your name popped up in any of our daily diaries, this thank you goes doubly for you. Special mention must be made to our wonderful condo-mates: William Goss, Eric Snider, Jordan Raup, Dan Mecca, Raffi Asdourian, and Rudie Obias. If you need still more Sundance coverage, I’ll direct you to their various outlets: MSN Movies, Film.com, The Film Stage, and Shock Ya. Pay them a visit. And, if you’ve got the time, check out some of our other pals over at /Film, Movies.com, Cinema Blend, Movieline, Collider, and The Playlist.

But, of course, the biggest thank you of all goes out to our very own Neil Miller and Cole Abaius for sending us, and for Robert Levin and Kevin Kelly for adding immeasurably to our coverage. Let’s do it again next year.

Exploring The Twilight Zone #149: The Jeopardy Room

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With the entire original run of The Twilight Zone available to watch instantly, we’re partnering with Twitch Film to cover all of the show’s 156 episodes. Are you brave enough to watch them all with us?

The Twilight Zone (Episode #149): “The Jeopardy Room” (airdate 4/17/64)

The Plot: Russian agents check in, but they don’t check out.

The Goods: Major Ivan Kuchenko (Martin Landau) sits in a hotel room mere hours from a planned defection to the West, but while he believes he’s alone in his thoughts he’s actually being monitored by two KGB agents sent to stop him. He discovers the truth when the two men make contact and tell him there’s a bomb in his room. He’ll be dead by dawn unless he can find and disarm the explosive.

“I am the last of the imaginative executioners.”

The two agents assigned to Kuchenko’s elimination, Commissar Vassiloff (John Van Dreelen) and Boris (Bob Kelljan), have set up shop in the building opposite and have an unobstructed view into their target’s room. After a brief phone call they convince him to meet face to face in the room, and one drugged bottle of alcohol later Kuchenko awakens alone. A tape recorder left on a table informs him that a bomb has been placed in the room, and that the Commissar’s love of games has led him to give the man a chance. If Kuchenko can find and disarm the bomb the KGB will let him leave alive. If not, he blows up at dawn. And if he tries to leave he’ll be shot in the head.

A tense and suspenseful act two begins with Kuchenko forced to search the room, inch by inch, for the device that may end his life. The two KGB agents watch from through the window as he works his way about the room, but while Boris keeps his itchy trigger finger ready in case the man succeeds or tries to leave Vassiloff seems secure in the knowledge that his planned explosion will not be deterred.

But Kuchenko’s desire to not only survive but to continue his life in freedom is strong. And if he’s smart enough to want to leave the Soviet Union he just may be smart enough to escape this deadly situation. He may even turn the tables on his captors.

Spoiler.

He does.

This is a rare episode for the series in that there are no science fiction or fantasy elements to be found. No aliens or genie in a bottle granting wishes here. Instead we have a story birthed from the Cold War that suggests the West is better than the East and that the smarter Soviets will make a run for the border.

Even without elements of the fantastic this episode is one of the most suspenseful of the series. The panic and intensity are evident in Landau’s performance, and the ticking of the clock is palpable throughout. The ending is a bit to swallow, especially knowing how good Vassiloff is supposed to be, but it works in the confines of a twenty-five minute show. It’s nice to see Rod Serling and friends deviate from the norm of the series once in a while, and to see them manage that with such a strong episode so late in the game is especially impressive.

What do you think?

The Trivia: Life has imitated art as Landau has outlived both Van Dreelen and Kelljan.

On the Next Episode: “A married couple wake up alone in a deserted strange town after leaving a party the night before.”

Catch-Up: Episodes covered by Twitch / Episodes covered by FSR

We’re running through all 156 of the original Twilight Zone episodes over the next several weeks, and we won’t be doing it alone! Our friends at Twitch will be entering the Zone as well on alternating weeks. So definitely tune in over at Twitch and feel free to also follow along on our Twitter accounts @twitchfilm and @rejectnation.

Chemical Brothers Movie ‘Don’t Think’ Gets a Trailer That Erases Your Brain

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Dozens of filmmakers have utilized music from The Chemical Brothers (Tom Rowlands and Ed Simons) for their movies, and the eclectic rave staple even snagged their first gig as film composers for last year’s Hanna and as contributors for Black Swan, but now they’re the subject of a concert doc that looks as fascinating visually as it does aurally.

Don’t Think comes from director Adam Smith, who stole a page from The Beastie Boys’ Awesome; I Fuckin’ Shot That! to include both professional camera rig shots and personal cell phone footage of the tranced-out crowd – which seems fitting considering The Chemical Brothers (then, The Dust Brothers) got their start working with The Beastie Boys.

Stuff a pacifier in your mouth and check out the trailer for yourself:

Yes. All day long yes. And all night long to be sure. According to The Creators Project, the footage was shot at the Fuji Rock Festival in Japan, but it might as well have been Mars. Capturing the transformative nature of live music can be a tough task, but even the teaser seems to be able to shift a few brain cells over. At any rate, it’ll make a hell of a double feature with Justin Bieber’s Never Say Never.

The movie will be in 500 theaters worldwide starting February 1st.


Box Office: Liam Neeson and ‘The Grey’ Reign Over the Pack

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The Grey

Once again Liam Neeson stood up to the January graveyard slate of movies, and once again Liam Neeson took charge. The Grey took top honors this weekend, proving that the combination of Neeson and good, adult action is the way to go when you want to make some decent coin. It wasn’t up to the standards of films like Taken ($24.7m opening weekend in 2009) and Unknown ($21.8m opening weekend in 2011). Considering the R rating, the lack of star power outside of Neeson (Dermot Mulroney isn’t what he used to be, and the wolves themselves don’t have a great agent yet), and Joe Carnahan not being the golden boy when it comes to box office returns, The Grey‘s $20m is still a respectable debut.

Neeson isn’t losing clout as quickly as Katherine Heigl, whose One For the Money came in at #3 with $11.7m. That’s slightly lower than expectations, but looking at Heigl’s track record, her opening numbers seem to be whittling down further and further. Since Killers in 2010, Heigl’s opening numbers have progressively gotten smaller and smaller, dropping from $15.8m to $14.5m for Life As We Know It in 2010 and $13m for New Year’s Eve early last month. A change of pace for Heigl might be in order, or, when all else fails, the DVD/Blu-Ray and VOD market is not a bad option to take.

Sam Worthington might not need to take that option just yet, though. Sure, Man On A Ledge didn’t have solid numbers this weekend. Any time the star of Avatar has a film open to less than $10m, you have to wonder how much he rates when it comes to box office numbers. But this isn’t a first for Worthington. The Debt dropped in with $9.9m last year. That wasn’t a film that was expected to be a huge, box office winner, and neither was Man On a Ledge despite its near 3000-screen release. Worthington’s name will be just fine, especially with films like Wrath of the Titans and the inevitable Avatar 2 out there on the horizon.

Oscar contenders were serious winners this weekend, with 3 of the 9 Best Picture nominees having increased numbers from last weekend. The Descendants, which expanded to just over 2000 screens, had a 176.1% increase while Hugo and The Artist had increases of 142.6% and 39.8%, respectively. It makes sense for those three to increase while films like Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close and War Horse had their typical weekend drops along with all the other films in release. The Descendants, Hugo, and The Artist are the three films that have the strongest chances of walking away with Best Picture gold come February 26th, and the general public seems to be aware of this. Neither Hugo nor The Artist are on 1000 or more screens but expect that fact to change within the next month.

Here’s how the weekend broke down:

  1. The Grey – $20m NEW
  2. Underworld Awakening – $12.5m (-50.6%) $45.1m total
  3. One For the Money – $11.7m NEW
  4. Red Tails – $10.4m (-44.6%) $33.7m total
  5. Man On a Ledge – $8.3m NEW
  6. Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close – $7.1m (-28.9%) $21.1m total
  7. The Descendants – $6.5m (+176.1%) $58.8m total
  8. Contraband – $6.5m (-46%) $56.4m total
  9. Beauty and the Beast in 3D – $5.3m (-39.1%) $41.1m total
  10. Haywire – $4m (-52.5%) $15.2m total

We were expecting the first weekend to come under $100m here, and we got it. $92.3m is the precise number, still a disappointment in the broad scope of box office health, but still up from the same weekend last year when The Rite came out on top. Dwindling returns for all the stars involved this weekend whether it be Neeson, Heigl, or Worthington, were a big factor while films like Underworld and Red Tails had their expected and sizable drops. Even Haywire had a bigger drop than anticipated, and those little differences between expectation and reality can quickly turn a $100m weekend into something much lower.

Next weekend might not be much of a saving grace, either, with the big openers being lesser known films like The Woman in Black, Big Miracle, and Chronicle. Chronicle may be the surprise hit of the first quarter this year, but it will be interesting to see how much positive buzz can carry it without a solid marketing drive and stars behind it.

We’ll be back later in the week to see how the weekend is shaping up.

SBIFF Review: ‘Darling Companion’ is No Bark and No Bite

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The opening night film at the Santa Barbara International Film Festival has always been a walk-away; generally an under-cooked indie with no distribution and little shot at getting into general theaters. So why kick a film when it’s down? There’s not a lot of value in heaping negative criticism on a new filmmaker who will likely go on to bigger and better things with more experience.

That said, the 27th year of Santa Barbara’s festival brought a heavyweight opening night player in writer/director/producer Lawrence Kasdan, and his Sony Pictures Classics distributed Darling Companion.

Basically, fair game.

Darling Companion is the story of Beth Winters (Diane Keaton), her spine surgeon husband Joseph (Kevin Kline), and the dog that  brings them together. Or at least, it tries to be about them while clumsily pulling viewers into unnecessary side stories that aren’t particularly interesting. The film suffers on every level, but prominent among its faults is an odd pace that steals away any reason to invest in any of the characters, the spotty narrative, or the wholly expected and unsatisfying ending.

Beth is an emotional wreck that is supposedly maligned by the very busy Joseph. In a quick sequence in the first twenty minutes of the film, we’re introduced to Kline’s character, the Winter’s daughter Grace (Elisabeth Moss), their nephew Bryan (Mark Duplass), and the dog that is central to the film, Freeway. We have little time to care for anyone or their quirks in the short time we spend with them before Kasdan one-year-laters us into the wedding of Grace at the Winter’s summer home in Colorado. Grace departs for her honeymoon, Joseph loses the dog, and thus begins the slog to emotional resolution between husband and wife.

From here the story deviates to include a series of mostly forgettable characters. We’re never given any indication early on that Bryan is a vital part of this story; when he begins falling for Carmen (Ayelet Zurer), the psychic gypsy caretaker of the Winter’s cabin and official dog-whisperer of the movie, its narratively confounding. The story would have been infinitely more interesting had it been theirs rather than an extended sidebar to a grumpy aging couple’s petty struggles. Zurer and Duplass are pleasant together when they’re alone on camera, and completely swallowed up in the rest of the cast when sharing screen time.

Said remainder of cast consists of Dianne Wiest as Penny, Bryan’s mother and Joseph’s sister, and her boyfriend Russell (Richard Jenkins), who is actually one of the few highlights of Kasdan’s film. They all have their angles — Russell appears to be a mooch in the business of getting Penny to dump her own cash into a spotty business venture. Bryan and Joseph do not approve, and we of course move toward discovery and resolution.

Through all of this we have Beth and Joseph blowing whistles and screaming a dog’s name, all while working through what appears to be a one-sided problem. Beth feels that Joseph cares more for his work as a surgeon than he does for his family — Joseph feels Beth is too emotionally high-strung and cares more for the dog than she does for him. Only one position is supported by Lawrence and Meg Kasdan‘s screenwriting.

Joseph is a busy man in a high-stress, competitive field — but his children clearly love him, and he’s generally sympathetic throughout the film in spite of his wife declaring otherwise. Keaton is emotionally all over the place, inexplicably rueful of Joseph, and has an irrational fixation on Freeway. This movie isn’t about men and women — it’s about believability. Kline comes off as a stand-up guy that simply has little patience for odd behavior. Keaton’s Beth gives the impression of needing a visit to a therapist who’ll give her some perspective. She never gets said perspective, and Joseph ends up biting the bullet and taking blame for behavior that appears to be nonexistent during the film.

All of this is really secondary, however, to the poor writing in general, and the failed premise. Much of the film is a trip down the road of realization that the two main characters are aging. That’s fantastic source material if you have a decent hook to make it matter, but this is no On Golden Pond. We’re supposed to care about a wealthy couple knocking on the door of senior citizenship having a series of spats brought to a head over the loss of a dog. I understand that there is a universe outside of the hour or so that we are in the presence of the characters, but the only thing that the Kasdan’s writing suggests is that Beth and Joseph are bored and nit-picky. Not exactly high drama.

In the end, this is a film by an amazing writer and director that clearly is not hungry anymore. Granted, he doesn’t really have to be. With classic cinema offerings like Body Heat, The Accidental Tourist, and The Big Chill among others — he’s honestly nothing to prove.

That said, the above is no excuse for flavorless, phoned-in vanity projects. Before the film, Lawrence noted that the screenplay was semi-autobiographical, based around he and his wife Meg’s loss of a dog. Among screenwriter circles you always hear that it’s important not to put too much of yourself in a script, lest you end up writing to satisfy yourself rather than your prospective audience. Somewhere early on in Darling Companion, Kasdan went off the rails — and it shows.

On the Upside: Mark Duplass needs to do more films; he’s engaging and easy on camera, and had excellent chemistry with Ayelet Zurer. Richard Jenkins is one of the only bright spots in the film; the scenes between he and Duplass bring some of the only real laughs of the movie.

On the Downside: Old folks biting at each other’s ankles over the loss of a dog does not an hour plus movie make.

On the Side: I could have done without the Russel handling Penny like a bowling ball bedroom scene. Thanks.

Dustin Hucks works for Film School Rejects, has written for Ain’t it Cool News, Hit Fix, and can additionally be found at the Metacafe Entertainment Network.

Joe Carnahan Does Not Have to Let the Cops Handle a ‘Death Wish’ Remake

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Internationally loved cologne salesman, Charles Bronson, was already a massive star by the time he made Death Wish, but it’s his role as Paul Kersey that might be his most famous simply because he owns it completely. Sure he’s rugged and charismatic in The Dirty Dozen, he’s surprisingly vulnerable in The Great Escape, but in the Death Wish movies he’s in command and the streets bow down to him.

So maybe a remake is in order? According to the LA Times, that’s the thinking of MGM and Paramount, and the partnership wants Joe Carnahan to clean up from fighting wolves for The Grey and come help them out with it. It must be tough coming out of bankruptcy, but MGM really has nothing except remake concepts going for them. That’s pretty damned sad.

Of course, the big question with a remake like this (beyond the fact that remakes aren’t doing good business currently) is how to re-create something that tapped into a social feeling in the 1970s. The same heat just isn’t there, there is no grand panic in society of rising crime rates and a feeling of helplessness in the face of a bewildered law enforcement culture. In fact, police are so good at doing their jobs now, they even find time to pepper spray people in the face at random. So who becomes the villain here? And even better, who could possibly replace Charles Bronson as Paul Kersey? Jason Statham did the job recently for The Mechanic, but the role here requires more than just action.

Boiling Point: Apparently Lepers Don’t Have Thick Skin

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Boiling Point

Political correctness is the bane of the artistic community, or so it would seem. It appears as though you can’t do anything in this world without upsetting anyone, and once they’re upset you must do backflips to appease them. Well, I’m here to say: fuck the blind.

Just kidding, I’ve got nothing against the blind. But a recent news articledoes have me up in a furor. Aardman Animation, the company behind Wallace and Gromit and the upcoming feature The Pirates! Band of Misfits, are ditching already completed work on a joke about lepers because some people might feel bad. Are you serious?

The ‘claymated’ film features the acting chops of Hugh Grant, David Tennant, Jeremy Piven, and hottie Salma Hayek and is the story of ‘Pirate Captain’ as he attempts to win the coveted “Pirate of the Year” award. The challenge? He must compete with several other, seemingly more impressive pirates with more competent crews.

In the trailer, Pirate Captain boards a boat he intends to pillage, demanding their gold. A man replies “Afraid we don’t have any gold old man, this is a leper boat. See?” Then his arm falls off.

Hold the presses, apparently.

Leprosy is a disease caused by bacteria that has been around since biblical times. Surely you’ve heard of “leper colonies,” places where lepers were sent to live and die out of sight. Leprosy is a disfiguring disease, categorized by skin lesions, which led to the ostracization of sufferers throughout history.

It’s understandable that two leprosy groups, Lepra Health In Action and the International Federation of Anti-Leprosy Associations, would object to a negative portrayal of leprosy. After all, we don’t want people blindly hating those with leprosy or laughing at their expense.

Which might actually be true if this were the 12th century. Leprosy may have been a big problem for some of the past 4,000 years, but today leprosy is almost non-existent in much of the world. It’s present in some quantity in around 120 countries, but basically only a small handful of countries have a ‘problem’ with leprosy, and that problem is rapidly declining thanks to effective treatment.

So on one hand, we have a small percentage of the entire population of the world suffering from leprosy, while on the other hand we have the vast majority of those suffering from leprosy in areas that don’t watch a ton of movies. Who is going to get offended here? Also, is the scene even offensive? All we see is a goddamn clay cartoon man have his arm drop cleanly off. It’s not a disgusting gag or even a mean spirited slight. Further, it’s a period-correct gag! While leprosy isn’t much in the public conscience today, hundreds of years ago lepers were still treated poorly and put on ships and sent off to go deal with it somewhere else.

It’s dumbfounding why a studio, who spent time, money, and effort making this scene, thought it was funny enough to put into the trailer, and is now going to fold in and remove it based on the objections of two tiny groups representing a small amount of people.

That’s all reasonable justification for keeping the scene. Very few people who could even remotely be offended by it are even going to see it, and the pool of people who would find it offensive is very small. But here’s the thing – I don’t even need that justification. It’s a fucking movie. Movies can say and do whatever they want. Movies can offend people. Call me a bastard, but I’d take the hit of losing the leper crowd and keep the joke in the film. Bowing to political correctness is always bullshit, whether you’re talking about going Full Special or including a ten second scene with a minor leprosy punchline.

The groups think that this joke could create more stigma against people who suffer from leprosy. I really don’t think the target audience for this movie, kids, are going to grow up hating lepers. They probably won’t even remember the joke after a few minutes. They’ll probably only think “Haha, his arm fell off!” and move on to the next flashing colors and sounds.

It’s hard to believe in most of the world people are going to have a lowered view of leprosy sufferers because of a kid’s movie. Sure, in places where people already hate lepers (it’s a problem in India), it’s not going to help, but again, I don’t think a 10 second gag in a cartoon is going to dictate how people behave.

Aardman Animation, you’re acting like a bunch of pussies, and I’m past my boiling point on this one. Stick to your cannons. Keep the joke.

Lend a hand and read more Boiling Point

Prepare to Be Confused By the Cast for Tyler Perry’s ‘Madea’s Witness Protection’

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Apparently Madea owns her own Witness Protection Program now, which is weird because cross-dressing in a fat suit didn’t exactly make Tyler Perry anonymous. According to The Hollywood Reporter, the incredibly successful writer/director/producer is continuing his Madea legacy with Madea’s Witness Protection, and it will inexplicably feature Denise Richards as the wife of Eugene Levy. Levy will co-star as an investment manager who is forced into witness protection after massive wrong-doing at his company. Fish out of water style, the uppity, rich Connecticut dweller will be forced into the sweaty South of Madea’s neighborhood. If it sounds like an episode of Family Guy, that’s because it pretty much is. No doubt, everyone will learn valuable lessons about acceptance and Perry will make valuable amounts of money while screaming at people and waving a gun around. The project, which also features Romeo Miller, will most likely shoot this year for a 2013 release. Fortunately, Perry will be in theaters next month in Good Deeds where he plays a rich guy who falls for a single mom just before he’s supposed to get married, and he’ll take up the mantle as iconic detective Alex Cross in I, Alex Cross which sees theaters in November. Just like any year, it’s going to be a big year for Tyler Perry. Jokes aside, he’s found a niche that works, and he’s used his powers this time around to let a middle-aged Jewish comedian play husband to the girl in the Wild Things threesome. Fiction at [Due to Content Scraping and Theft, we have been forced to try abbreviated feeds. We apologize for any inconvenience this may cause and woud very much appreciate you clicking through to view the full article on FilmSchoolRejects.com]
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