Depending on how you interpret it, This Means War is either another insipid, aggressively convoluted candy-colored flick from that auteur of nothingness McG, or one of the great unrequited male love stories of all time.

The portrait of two men who really only have eyes for each other, it’s an aggressively formulaic, borderline nonsensical fantasy about Los Angeles-based CIA studs FDR and Tuck (Chris Pine and Tom Hardy) who fall for a woman named Lauren (Reese Witherspoon) and set out to woo her in an elaborate pissing contest.

Taken at face value, this is pretty insufferable stuff. It’s an absurdly bright, peppy affair that’s clearly been test-screened to death in order to find the “perfect” balance of action and romance. The over-the-top pandering offers a calculated mix of sleek locales (Pine’s house is built under sheer glass swimming pool), painfully clichéd comedy (Chelsea Handler will wisecrack you to death as Witherspoon’s ribald best friend) and high-concept plotting.

The characters behave exactly as movie characters do, without so much as the slightest overture toward reality. Genuine human emotions are casually discarded as FDR and Tuck, best friends and partners who do everything together, gladly indulge in their one-upmanship over a girl each professes to love. FDR (yes, he goes by FDR without irony) casually ruins a romantic evening between Tuck and Lauren by turning on the indoor sprinklers. For revenge, Tuck shoots FDR with a tranquilizer dart. They reunite and argue a bit at work the next day.

The ridiculous stuff might have been tolerable had it been helmed by someone other than McG, the Charlie’s Angels director who lovingly embraces superficial big Hollywood’s worst excesses. In his hands, the movie becomes cinematic cotton candy, beautiful people fluff that attempts to float by on sound, fury and movie star charm.

Of course, as I’ve said, there’s another way to look at This Means War and to have much more fun doing it. If this were a real movie with the courage of its convictions, and not some processed paycheck job destined for the low end of the Netflix action section, it would be a tender gay love story, the story of two macho men learning to accept their obvious mutual attraction.

Put simply, FDR and Tuck are far less interested in Lauren than they are in each other. They banter, flirt and speak openly of their “platonic” love. They work and play together. It’s frequently said that they have no other friends. An overly jealous FDR insists that he accompany Tuck on his first date with Lauren, before any of the ménage à trois stuff has started. The guys even drop tidbits about seeing each other’s private parts. In other words, the romantic tension doesn’t just simmer; it’s a full on rolling boil.

That love story between FDR and Tuck — between Pine and Hardy — is this movie’s real story. Maybe, someday, a future This Means War could be honest about it.

The Upside: The movie is a portrait of tender, deep-rooted love — between its male protagonists.

The Downside: This is candy-coated, hyper-commercial fluff that’s totally divorced from reality.

On the Side: Tom Hardy needed the money, right?

In Death For Sale, the three best friends that anyone could ever have falter under the weight of their petty crime lives and the economic reality facing twenty-somethings in Morocco. They’re lost youth, scumming their way on the streets and in the nightclubs without any kind of direction. Writer/director Fauozi Bensaïdi‘s story picks up just as the group is beginning to diverge. Malik (Fehd Benchemsi) has fallen hard for a prostitute called Dounia (Imane Elmechrafi) despite her status as forbidden fruit. The naive Soufiane (Fouad Labied) hatches a plan to steal a rich girl’s purse that has profound, unintended consequences. The hardened Allal (Mouhcine Malzi) is determined to become a big fish in the suddenly empty drug-dealing pond. Everything should work out fine, right?

Like most films from the Arab world, this one deals with 1) what it means to be a man and 2) crime. Yet, even within a sea of sameness, the film has its own statements to make and its own way of making them. Most directly, with a strong visual eye and a serpentine story where chasing dreams leaves its inhabitants out of breath standing right where they started.

That brand of frustration is key to the world of cinematic crime, and Bensaïdi overcomes cliche by attacking all the usual elements with three angles all living in the main characters. The one-last-job, the iconoclast, the innocent-man-drawn-in, the femme fatale. They all get a robustness here that places daily life and crime under not one, but several microscopes.

However, none of this could have been achieved without the strong acting talents of Benchemsi, Labied and Malzi. Benchemsi is the door into a world that looks like a disaster zone without an earthquake or flood hitting. He’s a natural and complicated everyman who loses sight of what’s important after developing a tunnel vision for Dounia’s curvy parts. His already-strained family life deteriorates while he abandons his buddies and begins a working relationship with Inspector Dabbaz (played by the film’s writer/director). Malik falls into that age-old trap, having never learned the lesson not to free a prostitute from jail by turning informant for the cops. Benchemsi keeps the character’s rough edges smooth and manages a kind of suaveness that seems forced only because Malik is a fish out of water in his own neighborhood. Malzi does equally well as the driving force of arrogance and misguided glory, but Labied stumbles a bit in forming a rounded figure. His Soufiane is often a bit too cloying, a bit too cartoonish, but ultimately its a minor complaint from a good performance mixed in with two great ones.

With the sort of picture postcard view of Tétouan that makes you never want to visit, the camera work here is as strong as the acting. For the most part, it tends to take a broader view of things, taking time out to deliver huge, deceptively beautiful panoramas of the city from a mountainside meeting place as respite from the under-heel life that is so common to the trio that they usually treat it with a shrug. Or in some cases, as blissful masters of a bad situation.

There are a few strange elements, including Bensaïdi’s oddly dominant detective. Slapping a man down to show he means business is one thing, but quietly forcing Malik and Dounia to make out in front of him is another, and his lines sometimes seem like discards from Willem Dafoe’s dialogue in Boondock Saints. The guy is weird. Just weird.

It also sometimes struggles with the juggling act it commits to. With three, unequal plots it often spends too much time with Malik without checking in with his friends – leaving them to make a few big changes outside of the view of the movie. Allal is hurt the most there, but it’s impossible to deny that his absence in the second act hits almost as hard as a slap from a pissed off, perverted detective.

Fortunately, the movie goes delightfully off the deep end – especially with young Soufiane’s entry into a cult – before evolving from a character study into a heist film. The lead-up to the climax is a lot like watching a drunk friend convinced that he’ll be fine doing a back flip over the beach bonfire. You know it’s going to end in the emergency room, but it’s impossible to either convince him otherwise or turn away.

Death For Sale is compelling work with a slight twist to it which succeeds in taking the Moroccan world of crime and youthful stupidity and molding it into something human, painful, and universal.

Complete Berlinale Coverage

There’s a lot of anger in that headline, which should be noted since this is the week of Valentine’s Day and all that. Three new films find release, and while the Reese Witherspoon rom-com doesn’t exactly live up to the explosive nature of its title, we’ve also got Nicolas Cage to make things a little crazy out there. Don’t you just love it when the box office goes full Cage? I know I do. Throw in the latest from Studio Ghibli, and you’ve got a nice little storm of separate demographics, except for that one guy who’s a monster Nicolas Cage, Reese Witherspoon, and anime fan. You know you’re out there. It’s the Reject Report, and, before it’s all said and done, someone’s gonna be peeing fire.

BIG HITTERS

It becomes a national event whenever Nicolas Cage has a new film out. These days, it means something for one of his films to get an actual, theatrical release. There was no doubt Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance would find its way into theaters, but it’s been damn near a full year since Drive Angry 3-D. Cage is driving angry again, this time on a bike, and this time returning to a well that brought him some serious attention. The first Ghost Rider debuted to $45.3m in February 2007, so writing was already on the wall that sequel would be headed our way, probably one starring Cage once again. That’s exactly what happened. This time around, the Crank/Gamer directing duo of Mark Neveldine and Brian Taylor are taking the reigns, roller blade shots and all. Cage’s star power might not be what it was even five years ago, and word on the street is that Spirit of Vengeance is even worse than Mark Steven Johnson’s first go at the Marvel character. Expect this Ghost Rider film to make a nice splash on impact, but it’s not going to be near the mid-$40m area. Look for something closer to high $20m/low $30m for the weekend.

Nicolas Cage wants chocolate cake. Why not?

McG finally returns to theaters. We’ve all been clamoring for the latest piece of brilliance to come from this auteur’s mind since Terminator Salvation dropped in Summer of 2009 with a $42.5m opening. This Means War isn’t going to come close to that this weekend, but it’ll certainly fare better than We Are Marshall, McG’s most recent non-franchise movie, which opened to $6.1m in 2006. Chris Pine, Tom Hardy, and, yes, even Reese Witherspoon, are all certain to be factors when it comes to This Means War‘s weekend box office. That it’s the only new romantic movie out will help its numbers, too, though it seems more likely belated Valentine’s Day plans involve The Vow instead. Valentine’s Day sneak previews have already made $1.6m, but expect This Means War to come in with a respectable number somewhere just under $20m, and it’ll be thankful to have that.

Short. Simple. To the point. AND it has Bug Bunny, and who doesn’t love Bugs Bunny?

The Studio Ghibli/Walt Disney releases are finding their way more and more into large numbers of theaters. The Secret World of Arrietty is the widest they’ve seen, over 1500 screens this weekend. Previously, Ponyo pulled in $3.5m on 927 screens and Spirited Away made $1.7m the weekend it found its way onto just over 700 screens. The number of theaters for Arrietty will give it a nice bump, though, this time around, Hayao Miyazaki is only serving as producer rather than director. Look for The Secret World of Arrietty to make between $4-5m this opening weekend, a good number for anime film, but still not a contender when it comes to wide, animated releases.

FAMILIARITIES

The Vow and Safe House had a massive brawl last weekend, and that continues now with the two more than likely fighting for the #2 spot behind Spirit of Vengeance. With Valentine’s Day just behind us, and, with some celebrating the holiday late this weekend, The Vow has the upper hand over the Denzel Washington actioner. Still, both films will more than likely have less than 45% drops this weekend, giving them both $20+m. Those are impressive numbers for opening weekends, let alone second weekends in release.

Journey 2: The Mysterious Island and Star Wars: Episode I in 3-D will have drops higher than 45%. The Phantom Menace may even drop more than 50% from what it brought in last weekend. They’ll have showings in the #5 and #6 spots, respectively, both more than likely pulling in $10m or more. Still no word on if Lucas or 20th Century Fox has decided not to do the same for Episodes II-VI. We don’t expect them to, though. Lucas gotta get paid.

LITTLE OPENERS

Drafthouse Films. An Oscar nomination for Best Foreign Language film. Just in those two ways, the people behind Bullhead must be very pleased with themselves. Deservedly so, as well, as the film is a solid, gangster movie with a fascinatingly tragic lead performance by Matthias Schoenaerts. Our very own Luke Mullen called the film “flat out incredible” in his review and even wrote a very interesting piece comparing Bullhead to Star Wars and Kurosawa’s The Hidden Fortress. Read both of those, and, if you have the opportunity, go check this film out. It’s one of the most engaging character studies of 2011, and it doesn’t pull a single punch.

Bullhead opens in New York, L.A., and Austin.

Also opening in limited release are Deadline opening in Nashville, Love opening in select cities, Michael opening in select cities, Putin’s Kiss opening in select cities, Thin Ice opening in select cities , and Undefeated opening in New York and L.A.

Here’s how the weekend is shaping up:

1. Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance – $29.8m NEW
2. The Vow – $23.8m (-42.2%)
3. Safe House -$22.2m (-44.6%)
4. This Means War – $19.4m NEW
5. Journey 2: The Mysterious Island – $14.9m (-45.2%)
6. Star Wars: Episode I – The Phantom Menace in 3-D – $10.9m (-51.1%)
7. Chronicle – $6.8m (-42.8%)
8. The Woman in Black -$5.1m (-48.9%)
9. The Secret World of Arrietty – $4.8m NEW
10. The Grey -$2.6m (-47.7%)

A lot of thought went into what quotes from Monty Python and the Holy Grail would be used for this intro. In the end, though, it was decided that you all probably know this film by heart, anyway. If you don’t, what are you doing right now? Get to memorizing. When you’re done, though, be sure to come back for this special, little treat we have in store for you on this week’s Commentary Commentary.

Monty Python and the Holy Grail had not one, but two directors to it, Terry Gilliam and Terry Jones. The rest of Monty Python did their own commentary track, but it’s separate. Something about a death threat or something. Anyway, this week we’re listening to Gilliam and Jones, the directing team behind this comedy classic, some would even consider it among the greatest comedies of all time. What could they possibly have to say that this film doesn’t say already? Let’s find out. We may even find out what the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow is, but I’m not holding my breath.

Right. Off you go.

Monty Python and the Holy Grail (1974)

Commentators: Terry Gilliam (director, writer, actor), Terry Jones (director, writer, actor), Bun, Wackett, Buzzard, Stubble and Boot

• Terry Gilliam introduces the film and himself. He then introduces the co-director of the film, Terry Jones, who responds with, “Many interesting furry animals.” Gilliam introduces Jones as “the one with the English accent.” He also explains Jones is dressed in women’s attire, that he, himself, is fully dressed but may change part-way through the commentary, and that Jones will eventually change into a cow costume. “He’s always the happiest as the back end of a cow,” says Gilliam.
• Gilliam isn’t sure if the Swedish translations over the opening credits are accurate or not. According to Jones, the Swedish subtitles came about because the production had run out of money. All they could afford were black and white titles. It was Michael Palin’s idea to include Swedish subtitles as if you’re watching a Bergman film.
• “This is typical, Python nonsense,” says Gilliam as the opening credits begin flashing orange and yellow. He explains that this kind of humor worked well for the TV series, because it ate up time, time they had to fill from week to week. He also explains the flashing lights are about as cheap as you can get when it comes to opening titles.
• As Jones points out, the film takes place in 932 AD, but the costumes are from the 14th Century. “The idea, really, is that in most of the Arthurian legend, they’re actually told in the 14th Century about the 10th Century, so really the period of the film is 1350s or something like that.”
• Gilliam and Jones had set up several locations throughout Scotland on which to film. However, the Department for the Environment in Scotland forbade them to use any of the country’s castles only a few weeks before production was set to begin. The only castle they were able to use in the film was Doune Castle, a privately owned estate. All of the castles seen in the film are this one castle shot from different angles and distances. Some of the castles seen in the film are, in fact, cardboard cutouts in the near distance. Camelot is one of these cardboard cutouts, which, as Gilliam notes, is only about 30 feet away from the actors.
• None of the other members of Monty Python saw Terry Gilliam as a performer at first. He had begun work on the series as an animator and didn’t even begin acting with the others until Holy Grail. The others gradually realized what a talented performer he was.
• Michael Palin was not happy with his part during the “Bring out your dead” scene. He’s the man crawling across the bottom of the screen with a yoke on his neck. Gilliam says Palin will never forgive he or Jones for making him a mud eater in this scene. Naturally, the shot where he actually eats the mud has been cut from the finished film. Gilliam also goes on to say most of the “mud” in the scene was “pig shit and piss.” According to him most of the cast and crew spent a lot of the time at this location getting tetanus shots.
• According to Gilliam, many of the scenes in Holy Grail had gags that were cut out. The group went in with ambitious notions but would almost always end up cutting back on the quantity of jokes in any, given scene. “It was a frustration of trying to make a big feature film and wanting to pack as much in it when, in fact, they’re really just sketches,” he explains.
• Jones doesn’t think the middle ages were filled with dirty people with disgusting, black teeth. “I think, in the modern 20th century, we like to believe that the middles ages was like that, so, when we showed it, a lot of critics said, ‘Oh, yes. Really authentic looking.’.” Jones notes the Mary Rose, a ship that sank in 1545 that was brought up in recent years. Everyone on board the ship had perfect teeth. Jones notes they didn’t have modern dentistry, but they also didn’t have a sugar industry.
• Gilliam notes they shot Holy Grail like a television episode due to the speedy schedule they were working with. He sees several shots in the film that he’d like to redo. A lot of the shots are done as if they were being shot for television, ie. sitting back a good distance from the focal point of the shot, and all the players are included in the shot at once. He also mentions a rule in comedy where, if you can see all the faces at the same time, it’s funnier. This rule is used quite often throughout Holy Grail.
• The Black Knight is played by John Cleese. Gilliam is dressed as the Green Knight who the Black Knight is fighting stabbing through the head. Gilliam and Cleese learned how to sword fight and perform their own stunts for this scene. Gilliam notes the trickiest part was being able to see through the tiny slit in the huge helmet. According to Jones, the Black Knight scene was filmed near the end of production, when the film had all but run out of money, and it took nearly a week to shoot. Also of note, the Black Knight is always played by John Cleese up until he loses his first leg where the character is played by an actor with one leg. The final version of the Black Knight, no arms and no legs, is a puppet.
• Jones notes the Black Knight scene was not written with the Black Knight standing silent for the first part. It was only during editing, when they felt the scene didn’t work and needed something else, that they decided to include the three or four shots of Cleese as the Black Knight standing and not responding to Arthur’s queries. Also, for this scene, they didn’t initially intend to use Cleese’s voice for the Black Knight, but no one they brought in to dub over the scene worked. They ended up using Cleese’s original recorded voice for the final film.
• Gilliam remembers the opening for Holy Grail in New York City. The audience at the time was very liberal-minded and anti-violence due to the Vietnam war, which was going on at the time. Gilliam notes the discomfort from the crowd when the Black Knight’s limbs begin getting sliced off. “In England blood is called Kensington Gore, and it’s the best blood in the world,” he says. Apparently the last leg getting chopped off finally won the New York crowd over. It’s not those first three severed limbs that get you. It’s that fourth one that really brings on the barrel laughs.
• The head monk hitting himself in the head with a board is played by Neil Innes, who was originally set to do the score for Holy Grail. As Jones remembers, the score Innes came up with didn’t work for the film. It was too “quaint,” as Jones puts it, and didn’t work right with the film’s tone. He and Gilliam wanted something grander. Gilliam mentions later that Innes is essentially the “7th Python.”
• During the witch scene, John Cleese continually changed up his timing, which would usually result in the other members laughing during the long pauses. You can see Eric Idle biting the scythe he’s carrying at one point to keep from laughing.
• According to Gilliam, the subtitles when Holy Grail played in France messed up several of the jokes in the witch scene. When someone suggests that a church could float on water, the French subtitles changed “church” to “cricket”. “They didn’t quite understand the point of any of it,” notes Gilliam.
• The image of God is actually a picture of W.G. Grace, an English cricketer.
• Gilliam brings up the “right brain/left brain” breakdown of Monty Python. John Cleese, Eric Idle, and Graham Chapman were all Cambridge educated, Michael Palin and Terry Jones were Oxford educated, and Gilliam is the “token American.” Gilliam also breaks them down as the “tall group”, which is the Cambridge men, and the “normal sized people”, which was the other three. “Cambridge is interesting, because Cambridge seems to produce a kind of person that their best defense is a strong offense, and their minds seem to be more precise, more logical, more systematic, more attacking all the time.” Gilliam also notes the Cambridge group were the bullies.
• Gilliam remembers Holy Grail opening at Cinema One in New York City. Before dawn the second day it had opened the line was around the block. This stunned Gilliam and the others, who walked around the crowd all day and even went into the theater to watch the film with an audience. Gilliam remembers two people in particular who attended one of those first screenings who came up to the troupe and told them how much they liked the film. Those two people were John Belushi and Gilda Radner, who were each beginning their own careers.
• “Terry and I, who were the ambitious, little shits in the group who wanted to be film directors at all costs, we said, ‘Alright, if we make this film, let’s all be involved in the thing. We don’t want any outsiders. We’ll do everything, and anybody named Terry gets to direct it.’,” says Gilliam. At the time, the entire group was writing down ideas for sketches. They didn’t know what the film was going to be about at the time. Jones notes it was Michael Palin who came up with the idea of King Arthur and Patsy using coconuts for horse clops, which served as the starting point for the film.
• In the original script, half of the events took place in the Middle Ages while the other half took place in the modern day. At the end of the initial script, the Holy Grail is discovered at Harrods. It was Jones’ idea to make the film be set entirely in medieval times.

• Gilliam goes into how Monty Python was formed. Comedian David Frost had a show at the time, and he culled together “cheap college labor,” as Gilliam calls it, to write for his program. Cleese, Idle, Jones, Palin, and Chapman all came out of college writing for television and appearing in television programs, “The Frost Report” and “Do Not Adjust Your Set,” a kid’s show. It’s here where Gilliam never fully explains who was on what show when, but, as an overview, Gilliam was, at the time, editing for a magazine and met Cleese in the early ’60s. Gilliam was also doing illustrations for the magazine, and, when he went looking for a different job in the television industry, he was able to sell some sketch ideas for “Do Not Adjust Your Set.” This didn’t please the other members working on that show, as they saw Gilliam as an outsider. After this, many of the Python members, along with Gilliam, went to work on the show “We Have Ways of Making You Talk,” which began in 1968. It was here that Gilliam began providing illustrations and animated sequences. He worked on “We Have Ways of Making You Talk” and the second iteration of “Do Not Adjust Your Set.” It was here that the entire group came together, and, because of his standing with the BBC, Cleese was given an opportunity to create his own show. His idea for them was what eventually became “Monty Python’s Flying Circus.”
• Several different names came and went before the group decided on Monty Python. As Jones remembers, some of the scratched ideas were A Horse, a Spoon, and a Basin and Owl-Stretching Time. The Toad-Elevating Moment was one of Jones’ favorite names that didn’t make it. The group decided on Bun, Wackett, Buzzard, Stubble and Boot, and this was their name all the way until they began filming their show. The BBC stepped in and said they couldn’t use that title. Something about it being too ridiculous or something. The BBC had been using the name Circus to describe the show, so the group decided to call it “The Flying Circus”. Cleese wanted Python in the name, because he wanted something slimy and slithery in there. Eric Idle suggested they also name it after a slimy agent of some sort, and the name Monty was suggested.
• Jones recollects wanting their sketch show to have a different format from most sketch shows at the time. He recalled an animation Gilliam had done called Elephants. Gilliam had described the cartoon at the time as not really being about anything. It was just a “stream of consciousness,” as Jones calls it. It was his idea to give the entire show this structure where one sketch flows into the next.
• Mark Zycon was a fan who showed up to the set one day. Gilliam recalls him showing up in a taxi. They needed a double for Eric Idle at the time. Zycon was the right size, so they gave him the job. They learned shortly after Zycon would be willing to perform stunts, so he began doing things “no stunt man would do,” says Gilliam. Zycon is seen briefly in the Camelot music sequence as the prisoner hanging on the wall.
• In the ’60s and ’70s in England, tax laws were outrageous. Gilliam recalls some richer groups were paying up to 90% taxes. A lot of the pop stars were looking for ways to make tax losses. Much of this money went into funding Holy Grail. As Gilliam notes, many of the pop groups at the time, Pink Floyd and Led Zeppelin to name a few, were huge Monty Python fans. “George Harrison always argued that we were the spirit of The Beatles continued,” Gilliam says. Monty Python began the year The Beatles broke up. And you wonder why no one knows who Paul McCartney is.
• 52:06 – Terry Gilliam says he’s not even going to comment any more. He’s just going to watch and giggle.
• Jones points out that the princess Prince Herbert is set to marry is named Lucky. It’s never mentioned in the movie, but the banners at the entrance have an H and an L on them.
• It was originally planned for Prince Herbert to complete his song after he returned to court from falling out of the window. Jones, who plays Herbert in the film, regrets that they never got the full song caught on film.
• Gilliam found difficulty in directing Holy Grail mainly because he primarily did animations for the “Flying Circus” show. He never joined the other members when they were going through rehearsals. If he appeared on the show, as he notes, it was only on the day he was set to film. He admits he was more of an outsider to the group’s process than Terry Jones was, and the problems with communication between Gilliam and the rest of the members became frustrating for everyone. “I think they felt I was more interested in the look of it than the performing and all those things, which wasn’t true. It was only that that was the thing that had to be fought for, because the others were not interested, good at it, or any of those things. In theory they were, but, in practice, the armor is uncomfortable,” he recalls.
• Gilliam remembers the BBC to be a good training ground for the technical workers, the cameramen and effects crew to name just a few. The director remembers that many of the people who worked on the show were carried over to the crew for Holy Grail. Gilliam mentions they were all trained well, because of the vast numbers of genres they had to cover while working for the BBC.
• Jones remembers some of the problems the group ran into going from TV to film. Their timing was always off when they started out. They wanted to get in as many big jokes in as early in the film as possible, not a pleasant pace for a 90 or 120 minute long film. Jones points out how the third acts of their films always have something of a dip, particularly in the energy. Jones blames audience fatigue for this. Good call.
• The lady who owned the rabbit – the stage rabbit, not the one with nasty, big, pointy teeth – didn’t want the rabbit harmed or to be come dirty at all. Gilliam remembers the distractions involved to get the woman’s attention away from them caking the rabbit with red paint. Gilliam notes the bunny was happy, but the paint didn’t come out as quickly as hoped. “Why don’t we go to a store and buy a rabbit rather than getting a lady whose got a rabbit. Maybe we were trying to be professional, getting a professional rabbit that was trained by a professional so that we could count on it to do what it did, and, of course, it doesn’t work like that,” says Gilliam on animal wranglers. He believes animal wranglers are the angriest people you can find on a movie set.
• “The English have some of the silliest vicars in the world.” – Gilliam.
• Gilliam thinks Mel Brooks is the closest to Monty Python in the US. He notes the Spanish Inquisition, how horrible it is, and how you depict it, either serious and somber or “taking the piss out of it” meaning to make fun of it. Gilliam sees comedy as a catharsis where you can make fun of death. Not only that but making it as violent and ridiculous as you can. “Humor is just a great test, as well as a great defense,” he says.
• Gilliam remembers not being able to figure out a way to get the knights away from the Black Beast of Argh. Killing the animator – Gilliam plays the animator who “suffers a fatal heart attack” – was just as logical as anything else he could think of, especially when you’re dealing with Monty Python.
• The Bridge of Death scene was the first shot in the film. Jones remembers when they were set to shoot the first take of the first shot. The camera “sheared its gears” when they began shooting. They began shooting mute shots, since the camera that died was the only one with sync sound. The bridge that had been built was so rickety that no one wanted to cross it. Gilliam remembers walking across it a few times and being terrified. Chapman, a mountain climber, was equally terrified. Gilliam notes he was drunk the day they filmed the shot of Arthur and Bedevere crossing the bridge.
• Gilliam explains how Monty Python can never get together again. He compares them to The Beatles – again with that – and how, if one member dies, the group is broken, and there’s no way to completely get back together. Graham Chapman died in 1989. Gilliam says many of the members will work together on each others projects, but “the group is dead.”
• Gilliam can’t remember what was originally planned for Holy Grail‘s end, but he does know they chopped much of it out. He remembers the original ending was very dreamlike. Gilliam notes how similar the ending to Robert Bresson’s Lancelot of the Lake was to Holy Grail’s. Lancelot of the Lake came out in September of 1974. Holy Grail came out in April. Gilliam remembers seeing the Bresson film, and the audience roaring with laughter during the dramatic action sequence. The projectionist, who had not seen Holy Grail, couldn’t figure out why the audience responded this way.
• It was initially supposed to be a stuffed sheep flung at King Arthur in the end scene. They didn’t have a stuffed sheep, but the assistant director found a dead sheep along the side of the road to work one day. They used that. Gilliam recalls how awful it smelled and how ecstatic the props master was to fix the dead sheep so they could use it on film.
• The “army” Arthur brings in at the end of the film was made up of only about 200 crew members. Their family members pitched in to help by holding a banner, as well.
• Gilliam recalls the first time Holy Grail was shown publicly. Many audience members thought the film had actually broken. Gilliam says they were confused, but then the organ music made everything better.

Best in Commentary

“The silliness comes from a real, deep-seeded confidence or arrogance. You can’t be silly if you’ve got self-doubt.” – Terry Gilliam on all British comedy, not just Monty Python

“That’s very dangerous to look for significance in Python stuff. It just seemed like a silly idea to us.” – Terry Jones

“The great thing when we were in these modes, you just take a logic, and you pursue it relentlessly and stupidly.” – Terry Gilliam

Final Thoughts

Those quotes really dig into what there is to find on this commentary. Gilliam and Jones can’t really discuss how a certain sketch came about, because, like “Monty Python’s Flying Circus”, Holy Grail is a series of ridiculous moments, one right after the next with little in the way of logical sequencing. This gives Gilliam and Jones ample amounts of time to recollect on how the group came together, how “Flying Circus” came about, and where the name Monty Python came from. This is mostly from Gilliam, but Jones, who was clearly recorded separately, has memories to share, as well.

Jones does slip into pointing out locations or even explaining obvious film trickery that everyone knows. We know a live rabbit was used in the first shot, but a puppet was used later. Thanks for that. Still, there is more than enough information regarding the group dynamic as a whole to recommend this commentary track. One with all five, living members of the group together in one room could offer more lighthearted anecdotes, though.

Learn more about the movies you love with Commentary Commentary

Why Watch? Finnish filmmaker Juuso Mettälä heads under a frozen lake to get all of his shots for a gravity-defying short film that toys around with fluid motion and perspective to beautiful results.

What will it cost? Only 4 minutes.

Skip Work. You’ve Got Time For More Short Films.

The news that Warner Bros. has just made deals with Akiva Goldsman and Overbrook Entertainment to bring us an I Am Legend sequel is not surprising (as it’s been chattered about for years now), but it does somewhat confoundingly smack of an article from The Onion yesterday. That article, titled “Moviegoers Not Interested In Hearing What Is, Isn’t Possible, Demand Heath Ledger ‘Dark Knight Rises’ Appearance” might focus on the impossibility of bringing back the deceased Ledger for The Dark Knight Rises, but it does remind of the impossibility of bringing back the central character of I Am Legend: Will Smith‘s Robert Neville, who (spoiler alert?) crocked off at the end of the first film.

But no matter in Hollywoodland! Though a second film has been talked about ever since the first film did big business at the box office (making $584m worldwide), it was long thought that the new film would be a prequel, but today’s report from Deadline Staten Island refutes that: “the film is not being called a prequel.” Well, alrighty! Maybe if they can bring back Neville, they can bring back his charming German Shepard, too.

The new film is set to be penned by Arash Amel (the scribe behind the new Grace Kelly biopic, Grace of Monaco). Smith is reportedly waiting until the script is ready before he commits, and director Francis Lawrence has yet to weigh in on his potential involvement.

The first film is an adaptation of Robert Matheson’s seminal novel, which has also inspired films like The Last Man on Earth and The Omega Man, and is considered one of the touchstones of the zombie trope in modern entertainment. While Lawrence’s take on the material has some significant merits, I’ve always found Matheson’s original story much more compelling, and it will be interesting to see how much inspiration Amel draws from the original text. Or, of course, it could be a terrible disaster.

Yet, there’s likely one person who is stoked on this news, improbabilities and impossibilities aside – Ben Lyons is probably already prepping his next pullquote for the follow-up to a film that was, by his approximation, “one of the greatest movies ever made.”

The Mayans, the wise race of ancients who created hot cocoa, set December 21st, 2012 as the end date of their Calendar, which the intelligent and logical amongst us know signifies the day the world will end, presumably at 12:21:12am, Mountain Time. From now until zero date, we will explore the 50 films you need to watch before the entire world perishes. We don’t have much time, so be content, be prepared, be entertained.

The Film: The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy (2005)

The Plot: Arthur Dent (Martin Freeman) discovers that his house is scheduled for demolition to make way for a freeway bypass. Thanks to his unique friend Ford Prefect (Mos Def), he also discovers that the planet Earth is scheduled for demolition to make way for a hyperspace bypass. The worst day of Arthur Dent’s life soon turns into the most fascinating one when Ford takes him along on a trip through the galaxy by hitching a ride on passing spaceships. Dent learns that Ford is a writer for the interstellarly famous book “The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy,” which offers plenty of advice for would-be travelers, including “Don’t Panic” and to always bring along your towel. During their travels, Arthur and Ford meet up with the two-headed galactic president Zaphod Beeblebrox (Sam Rockwell) and quirky Earth girl Trillian (Zooey Daschenel), who are looking for an ancient supercomputer that will provide the answer to the ultimate questions of life, the universe and everything.

The Review: Even though Hitchhiker author Douglas Adams was extremely open – and often involved – in the adaptation of his classic book into various forms, a big-budget movie was a risky bet. In reality, The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy is an extremely popular book among a relatively small audience. That is, science fiction fans. But not just any science fiction fans… science fiction fans who read… and love British humor. As well-read as these books were, the audience wasn’t a sure bet to make the movie a hit.

I read the first couple books while I was in college, and while I enjoy reading, science fiction and British humor, it wasn’t my favorite series. The first installment is pretty clever, the second book (The Restaurant at the End of the Universe) was okay and the third book (Life, the Universe, and Everything) seemed more concerned with being silly than telling a story. Don’t get me wrong, silliness is an inherent and necessary trait of these books, but it just gets a bit too much as the stories goes on. As a result, I never did read the fourth or fifth book in the trilogy (ha ha, get it?).

Still, with my favorite of the series being the first installment, I looked forward to the film.

It’s a non-standard story if I’ve ever seen one. And it’s quite well adapted form the general randomness of the novel. Using clever animation and narration, the viewer is given a taste of the Guide (and with plenty of other deleted entries found on the DVD and Blu-ray) without getting bogged down. The acting is quite good, especially from the supporting cast which includes John Malkovich in a non-canon role to further the story. Utilizing solid actors who can play comedy in a deadly serious fashion allows people like Malkovich to say “Zaphod Beeblebrox” with the deadpan delivery as if he were saying “John Smith” (or “Arthur Dent,” for that matter).

While many hardcore Douglas Adams fans will tell you that the BBC television production is superior for its faithful adaptation, the 2005 film is special because it uses state-of-the-art special effects to tell the otherwise ludicrous story against a realistic-looking backdrop. But even with all the modern tools at their disposal, the filmmakers brought in Jim Henson’s Creature Shop to build not just Marvin the maniacally depressed robot (one of the funniest characters in the film, voiced by Alan Rickman) but also many of the aliens including the bureaucratic, poetry-reading Vogons. In a day and age when CGI creatures are used more than they really should be, this offers an organic and warm feel to an otherwise cold and potentially depressing universe.

The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy may not be the greatest space adventure film to ever have been made, but it’s easily one of the funniest space adventure films ever to have been made. Right up there with Galaxy Quest.

But why spend 110 minutes watching this film when you only have 442,111 minutes left to live?

Whether you’re a fan of the original book series by Douglas Adams, the resulting radio program, the low-rent but faithful BBC television production or any of the other forms that his world-famous Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy took, this is required reading (or viewing or listening, etc.) for a the science fiction enthusiast. If not, at the very least, you’ll get a hearty laugh before the end of the world. The snippets from the “Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy” book that Ford helps write offer some choice advice, just in case you can hop on a Vogon construction cruiser before the Mayan predictions come true. The destruction of the Earth may happen within the first 15 minutes of this movie, but the film not only shows there may very well be life after the death of our planet, but it also reminds you to bring your towel and above all else, don’t panic.

Thanks for all the fish and all these Apocalypse Soon entries!

There are few things in life as devastating and traumatic as having to watch your child confront a life-threatening illness. I assume so anyway. My own kids were booted out of the house at the age of seven in the hopes that they would go make something of themselves, so they may have already kicked the bucket for all I know. But from what I understand a deathly ill child is an all around terrible experience.

Romeo and Juliette learn this first hand after they meet, make sweet love, give birth to their son Adam nine months later, and soon begin to take serious notice of his behavior. He’s vomiting more than would be considered normal, his head has a constant tilt, and one side of his face seems slightly swollen.

Upon their first meeting they joked incredulously about their names commenting that they’re most likely doomed to a terrible fate, but their child’s health is not a tragedy they had considered. Now the two twenty-somethings who signed up for little beyond a casual but loving relationship find themselves in the trenches of a fight for their son’s life. But unlike most films on the subject Declaration of War is uninterested in a melodramatic or treacly narrative. This is a film about hope, optimism and the unwavering love of a parent for their child. This is war.

“Young, happy, in love. Life awaits, open armed.”

Romeo (Jérémie Elkaïm) and Juliette (Valérie Donzelli) expected life’s normal struggles. You can’t fall in love with names like those and expect smooth sailing. But when he becomes worried that something is wrong with Adam Juliette’s reaction is immediate dismissal. Like any parent, she doesn’t want to think about such a thing let alone believe it. They reluctantly bring Adam to a pediatrician who quickly suggests a neurologist after noticing slight facial asymmetry.

The specialist’s diagnosis confirms their fear. Adam has a brain tumor, and the road ahead will be an extremely difficult one where the odds will rarely lean in their favor. The couple takes their emotional lumps, but they surge ahead with a strategy focused as much on attack as it is defense.

Donzelli and Elkaïm also co-wrote the film with the former shouldering the directing duties too, but in addition to being double and triple threats the duo also have a very personal connection. The story is based on their experience with their own son’s fight with brain cancer as well as the toll it had on their relationship. That kind of intimacy along with the subject matter could have easily resulted in a weepy, movie of the week type of melodrama, but Donzelli and Elkaïm keep things lively and energetic throughout.

We’re privy to the sexy joy of their first meeting and early days through the frustrations and stress of Adam’s illness. The pair engage in epic cigarette binges to calm their nerves, rely on friends and family for support, and the night before their son’s operation they give voice to their biggest fears about the surgery’s possible complications. What if it results in Adam becoming a blind, deaf mute? Or a black, queer dwarf. It’s a serious and dramatic scene, two parents sharing their deepest fears for their child, but their escalation to the ridiculous rescues it from a maudlin depression.

As unexpectedly welcome as that scene’s tone is the film as a whole follows suit with a dynamic and spirited presentation. Donzelli’s directorial style (this is her second film) appears to be one infused with an eclectic aesthetic whose primary goal is movement. She’s like an arthouse Neveldine/Taylor, only, you know, good. That’s not to say the screen is in constant motion but that Donzelli moves (mostly) effortlessly between scenes of sorrow and ones more playful, from bursts of fun to sweetly tender moments, and from dramatic narration to the leads lip-synching their way through what could easily be a music video. The score in particular is responsible for much of the shifts in emotion as it pumps adrenaline by way of anthemic and pulsing music.

The acting is fine throughout from both the multitude of supporting characters as well as the two leads. The real life ex-lovers maintain a solid chemistry between them, and they do a fine job of showing both the attraction as well as the frictional differences. This is a good thing as the two are the film’s real focus. It’s Adam’s illness, but it’s their struggle. That distinction works for most of the film, but there are times where the momentum lapses as the story diverts from expected details and events to follow their emotional divergence instead. They don’t hurt the film as much as they pause the effect of it.

Declaration of War could easily be accused of being more style than substance as it at times seems to skirt the drama inherent in the situation, but just because the focus is on the parents here instead of the disease or the child doesn’t mean it’s not telling a deeply personal and heartfelt tale. It’s a different take on a familiar story to be sure, but it’s still an emotional and engaging experience. And if nothing else it introduces viewers to the fine French idiom “Don’t count eggs in the hen’s ass.” So there’s that.

Foreign Objects travels the world of international cinema each week looking for films worth visiting. So renew your passport, get your shots, and brush up on the local age of legal consent!

Welcome back to Junkfood Cinema; enjoy a bowl of our Sugar-Coated Pimp Smacks. We recently asked blaxploitation icon Isaac Hayes to write a theme song for this week’s entry. He politely declined, as he is currently dead, but we think his song would have sounded almost exactly like this…

There’s some dudes on floor; with indigestion, stomachs sore. What hit ‘em? Junkfood Cinema! Watching bad films all day, who threw their integrity away? Junkfood Cinema! We’ll tell you what makes them so fine, what puts the stars in our eyes. So bad, but who loves them? Junkfood Cinema! To top this thing with a cherry, we offer you a snack that’s so very…so very delicious. Junkfood Cinema.

Thanks Isaac, we hope you’ll forgive us.

Today’s Sweet Sweetflick: Slaughter’s Big Rip-Off.

What Makes It Bad?

Slaughter’s Big Rip-Off, more so than most blaxploitation sequels, picks up right where the first film left off. If you don’t recall the events of the first film, Slaughter had effectively taken his time and blown the minds, and by that I mean blown away the skull parts, of the gangsters responsible for killing his parents. With the sequel, we open on what is basically Slaughter’s Congrats on Killing a Bunch of Mob Guys Picnic Brunch. But where the first Slaughter opened with a razor-sharp funk theme and a title sequence that presented Slaughter as an ass-kicking, shotgun-toting black Bond, the sequel kicks off with him…playing polo. Frankly, I’m just disappointed with the lack of imagination here. If I had a nickel for every blaxploitation hero we saw playing polo, riding a tandem bike through Coney Island, or watching Dynasty, I’d have a veritable sum of money. The toastmaster for Slaughter’s little shindig is George Gaynes who played the beloved Commandant in the Police Academy movies. Jim Brown is the only black man I’ve ever seen standing next to George Gaynes who wasn’t damn-near seven feet tall or imitating the sound of a helicopter taking off.

Answer me this question, no one. How often does a low-flying plane ever yield anything but death and mayhem? Somewhere between 0 and never% of the time, right? But that doesn’t seem to register with the obviously un-film-schooled guests of Slaughter’s Gangster Murder Cake Walk. As is the wont of so many hapless movie characters, when the Single-Engine Deathna starts tea-bagging the treetops, they stare blankly at the hovering kill craft as if at any moment it’s going to dump its surprise payload of king-sized candy bars and hundred dollar bills. But then of course, the bullets rain down and Slaughter and his pals are forced to dive for their lives; a scene wholesale lifted from Albie Hicox’s North by North Black. The die-plane ends up taking out one of Slaughter’s boys in the process, and it’s payback time…AGAIN! Again?

Okay, I call vengeance foul. You can’t take revenge on a guy for getting revenge on someone else which then causes a subsequent revenge plot; that’s double revengedy! The new mob boss, pissed off that Slaughter killed the old mob boss, sends a hitman to kill him only to accidentally kill his good friend; forcing Slaughter to then get revenge on the revenge for the revenge. Not only does it make no sense that this mob boss would want to kill Slaughter, the guy who’s de facto responsible for his promotion, but it reaches a point of revenge movie singularity that makes Slaughter’s Big Rip-Off feel like a blaxploitation Death Wish written by Charlie Kaufman. If the traditional blaxploitation trailer were to be forthcoming about this conundrum, the voice-over would raucously declare: “He’s being fought back against for fighting back against the mob, a low-down triple cross of confounding story composition.”

He decides to take his revenge in the form of theft; stealing a list of informers’ names from the mob boss. Now Slaughter calls himself the baddest cat who ever walked the Earth, which I find to be a rather blasphemous slap in the face to Jesus Christ. Also Garfield. But the one area in which he is truly, irrefutably bad, is in the execution of a heist. He goes to all the trouble of teaming up with an expert safe-cracker, quietly infiltrating a thug-infested mansion, stealing his quarry without a sound…and then proceeds to kill every single guard in the building in a thunderous shootout as if he’s still on the set of The Dirty Dozen. I suppose this is why he’s called Slaughter and not Sneak Away Quietly. Though I guess I can’t blame Slaughter too much, he’s forced to undertake this assignment by a cop who seems very keen on putting our hero in jail; odd for the genre considering the cop is also black. Detective Misplaced Aggression overacts so much it’s as if he thinks he’s a Greek mask actor playing to the back of a packed theatre. His exaggerated line delivery goes through a delicate evolution from streetwise tadpole, to unintentional British accent fish-lizard, to upright-walking hack with the unnecessary adaptation of an unhinged jaw. He really throws the book at Slaughter, and that book is The Beginners Guide to Reheated Cop Movie Cliches: Why No Convention is Too Old for this Shit. The pair do actually become friends through the delicate, classic process of BecauseTheScriptSaidSotosis.

The collective wardrobe of this film deserves merciless scorn, even within the context of its era. Slaughter himself tends to run the gamut from the Formica sport coat to the strawberry sundae leisure suit. But the winner of the “Clearly Doesn’t Own A Mirror Award” has to be Cajun Joe. Now don’t get me wrong, I am well aware that pimp fashion has never been heralded as exemplary, not even the sweet get-ups of Detroit’s Ice Cream Green would be classified as à la mode. This is the reason we don’t see many spaceship-sized brimmed hats at board meetings or upscale Manhattan restaurants requiring of their patrons jackets and ties, platform fish tank shoes, and full-length yellow mink coats. But Cajun Joe’s outfits are especially offensive in that they look as if this is the first time he’s ever worn them. I can abide uptown, sex-trafficking entrepreneurs when I feel like they’ve really gotten a lot of well-earned mileage out of their hideous clothing, but I draw the line at a hustla’ who would be caught dead in ready-made, off-the-rack Wal-Mart Halloween costumes for fratboy douchebags. I’m also not going to comment on the phallic symbolism of his absurdly long smoking device, because as Freud said, “sometimes an elongated cigarillo on the end of an already protracted cigarette holder is just a penis.” Good day to you, Cajun Joe. I SAID GOOD DAY!

Why I Love It!

I may be uncomfortably in love with Jim Brown and his unyielding action ‘stache. Brown is one of my favorite blaxploitation stars and he delivers in the sequel more of everything I loved about the first Slaughter…and more. He’s still a total badass, he still drives a sweet car and boasts a swagger more than twice the legal limit, and he’s got tremendous, almost concussive, line delivery. Nobody drops a hate bomb like Jim Brown; I for one believe him when he warns a rival that “you’ll be picking yo teeth outta yo lip.” On top of all of this, he’s got so much sex appeal that it goes beyond something women desire to a more nebulous realm wherein boning Slaughter is a nationally-recognized currency. The gorgeous red-headed prostitute from whom he gleans information at the start of the film demands sex as payment as if there was no other way she could get him into bed. Later, his accomplice Marcia actually pulls a gun on him and demands sexual gratification when a simple please would have accomplished the same goal. Seriously, his sexiness should either be weaponized or traded on the New York Stock Exchange.

I’m a big fan of nonsensical casting in b-movies and in this ill-advised filmmaking feat, blaxploitation is the leading subgenre. Routinely blaxploitation will make leading men out of soul singers, football players (as in Jim Brown’s case), and well-meaning mental patients (as in the case of Dolemite‘s Rudy Ray Moore). Slaughter’s Big Rip-Off features possibly the greatest piece of oddball casting in any film. I’m speaking of course about the casting of The Tonight Show‘s Ed McMahon as the badguy. He traded in yucking it up for Carson for butting heads with Slaughter as the angry mob boss. Does he pull it off? Not quite. He is still Ed goddamn McMahon after all. In fact, his presence might explain why the mafia gathering at the beginning of the film had all the menace and foreboding of a insurance adjusters convention. Still, it was very cool of Ed to send Slaughter a letter declaring “you may already be the target of a mafia hit!”

Slaughter’s Big Rip-Off is a dirty, nasty, violent piece of cinema, and I loved every second of it. As much as it is firmly rooted in its own genre, it almost feels like an Italian Poliziotteschi film. Slaughter’s still fighting the mob, as in the first film, but stripped away are the clandestine assumed identities and the exotic locations that made Slaughter feel like a James Bond film. Instead we have naught but the grimy, gritty streets of L.A. and a hero whose mafia enemies know his name from frame one; making the war against him far more personal. Slaughter double taps fallen thugs twice at pointblank range, throws swords through people, and puts a henchmen’s head through a car window before emptying an entire magazine into his broken, half-dead body. The villains aren’t fucking around either. Hell, within the first five minutes a man’s head is blown to pieces by an aerial assassin. Later, a gangster actually kills one of Slaughter’s allies by forcing an entire tube of superglue down his throat. But the the scene that really sets Slaughter’s Big Rip-Off apart, is the one wherein a gangster is holding a gun to Slaughter’s head as he and his girl sit in their car. The hood starts dispassionately clicking through the chamber until he either finds the single bullet or until Slaughter’s girl willingly drives their car off a cliff. I hazard that even Shaft would have copped out when that danger was all about.

Junkfood Pairing: Sweet Revenge Candy

Taking a page from the book of Slaughter, and his over-sized rip-off, we’ve subscribed to the idea that revenge is a dish best served over and over again until it doesn’t make sense any more. To wit, we offer the vending machine delicacy Sweet Revenge Candy. If you get a hankering for these tangy fruit candies at 3AM and the only laundromat with a machine that offers them is closed, we might suggest expertly breaking in, covertly stealing the candy, and then shooting everyone in the neighborhood just for good measure. We might suggest that, but we won’t, because that’s evidently wrong or something.

Fill up on more Junkfood Cinema

We’re going to get this out of the way and, like, totally quickly – I love Valley Girl. Unironically. I think it’s hilarious and weirdly romantic and that Nicolas Cage has never, ever looked better (and sexier). And also? The music is phenomenal (Cage’s Randy is really into the underground punk scene). And all that embarrassing praise and all those bizarre personal revelations aside, what made Valley Girl work is that it chronicled a specific lifestyle during the actual period in which it existed – that is, the “for sure, totally, tripendicular” slice of life California life during the 80s. A remake? Well, I worry that a remake is just going to poke fun at the time period, not look back on it with any sort of endearing nostalgia.

MGM has been working to get a remake going for awhile now, and apparently Paramount is getting in on the action. According to Deadline Agoura Hills, the studios have now reportedly even picked a director for the film, which will be a musical version that will see its leads singing “New Wave tunes from bands like The Go Go’s and The Cars.” Clay Weiner will start his feature directing career with the film, apparently triumphing over “a number of well-established helmers who wanted the job.”

Weiner might be new on the features beat, but he was apparently “determined” to get the gig, which gives me hope that he’s got just as much weirdo nostalgia for the film as I do. Deadline reports that Weiner “spent the two-week holiday break putting together a three-minute demo reel, paid for out of his own pocket, that featured choreographed dance routines set to a mash-up of the 1980s tunes that will be sung in the film. He demonstrated the spirit, design, costuming and camera work that reflected his vision for the film. It told the studio execs everything they needed to know. This week, they gave Weiner the job and it was the reel that won it for Weiner.” So maybe he’s even more into this film than I am.

A commercials director, Weiner helmed the Super Bowl spot for Time Warner Cable (the one with Ricky Gervais and Mary Louise Parker), and he’s already got a TV movie under his belt with Fred: The Movie (perhaps we’ll overlook that credit).

The film’s script comes from Amy Talkington (with credits that include TV movies like Avalon High and Brave New Girl) with, amazingly, a rewrite by Rachel Getting Married‘s Jenny Lumet. Perhaps my freeze on this film has thawed a bit. Of course, to truly win my heart, they need to cast a Randy who can compare to Cage.

Seriously, if you’re not sold on my raging crush on Cage in the original film, I’ve embedded a video below of his best scenes from the film. You’re like totally welcome.

Over the past several years there has developed a sort of holy trinity of young actors whose careers I’m watching develop with great glee. Every time any of them come out with a new project, you can count on me being first in line to see what they’ve come up with. These three mythic men go by the names Ryan Gosling, Tom Hardy, and Michael Fassbender. But even a devotee such as me has to admit that the newest project Fassbender has in the works sounds a little odd.

Fassbender and screenwriter Ronan Bennett (Public Enemies) have spent the last year or so setting up Irish Myths through their production company, Finn McCool Films. It’s a story that Fassbender himself will star in about some of the mythical figures from the Irish legends of the 8th century. The series of stories that they’ll be tackling is known as the Ulster Cycle, which tells the tales of the clashes between King Conchobar’s Ulaid tribe and the Connachta tribe, which was led by Queen Mebh. If that sounds like a lot to take in already, just wait, there’s more.

The most prominent figure in these writings, and the character Fassbender will be playing, is Cuchulain, the son of King Conchobar, who is said to have divine ancestry and supernatural fighting skills. In one of this series of myth’s biggest stories, the Cattle Raid of Cooley, Cuchulain has to fight off an entire army sent by Mebh to steal Conchobar’s prized, white bull.

I gotta say, reading the descriptions of these stories leaves me with more questions than it does answers. Is the tone of these films going to be more Clash of the Irish Titans or Irish Troll Hunter? And, I get that these stories are a cultural thing that you probably have to be from Ireland to fully appreciate the significance of; but really? Fassbender is on the cusp of becoming one of the preeminent dramatic actors in the world and he’s spending his time putting together movies where he gets to play ancient action heroes? As always, my faith is in Fassbender, but I have to say that I don’t yet understand what he’s going for with this one. He sure works in mysterious ways. [Variety]

There’s some more bad news for director Gore Verbinski’s seemingly cursed venture The Lone Ranger. This film, that Verbinski is making with Disney, has been in development for quite a while now, and it’s sure seen its share of ups and downs. Though it has a proven successful actor/director duo in Johnny Depp and Mr. Verbinski, and it’s dealing with the sort of  already-established source material that Hollywood feels most comfortable with, this film was also, at one point, coming in with a $250m budget. Five years ago, when the world was in considerably better shape, that might not have been a problem, but in today’s dicey climate, Disney decided that the financial risk was too great, and they ended up shelving the thing.

That wasn’t the end of the road, however. Verbinski vowed to do whatever it takes, including making big budget cuts, to get some form of this film onto the big screen. It seemed like a long shot, but eventually it worked, and the once-$250m  movie got the go-ahead to move forward with a new, slightly tweaked script and a new, slightly trimmed budget of more around the $215m mark.

When the new go-ahead was announced, it was said that the whole of the cast was still going to be in place, despite the extreme shift in scheduling, and that the film was going to begin shooting in February (which is now). At the time I had my doubts. Could a movie with names like Johnny Depp, Armie Hammer, Barry Pepper, and Dwight Yoakam really be delayed for such a radical amount of months and still have everyone freed up to stay on board?

It turns out, this time, my skepticism was founded. According to Deadline Pikeville, Yoakam has now opted to bow out of the project, and he’s citing scheduling conflicts as his reason why. Seeing as the film was scheduled to start shooting in a month that we’re already half through, isn’t this sort of a last minute thing? Does this mean that Yoakam had something sudden come up, or is work on this picture not moving along as quickly as it was supposed to? Will Verbinski be able to quickly replace Yoakam with somebody else capable of playing a mean hillbilly, maybe a Woody Harrelson, or is this just the first of many dominoes that are ready to once again start falling when it comes to this movie?

That’s a lot of questions I just threw at you, so I’m just going to let you sit there with them for a moment.

It’s easy to predict one’s response to Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance. You either accept the idea of a flaming-skull Nicolas Cage sucking the souls out of leather jacket-clad baddies, or you don’t. You relish Cage in full-on, over-the-top crazy mode – weird twitching and all – or you’re sick of his penchant for CGI-heavy junk. This isn’t rocket science.

That being said, the Ghost Rider franchise, such as it is, has come a long way since the mediocre original flick, which opened in 2007, or approximately 100 Cage movies ago. Mark Neveldine and Brian Taylor (Crank), masters of speed-freak cinema, have taken over the directorial reigns and amped things up with fast motion, quick cuts, some artful comic-book stylistic digressions, slick pseudo-religious imagery and a much-needed helping of humor.

I sat through the 3D Spirit of Vengeance expecting that I would eventually stop being entertained. Yet I never was, thanks to Neveldine and Taylor and the fact that Cage seems even more devoted to Johnny Blaze’s existential crisis this time around. Of course the plot is unrelentingly thin nonsense, the characters don’t really matter, and the bad dialogue just keeps coming and coming. But that’s the standard, the cost of doing business when you enter the Cage Zone.

You’ll recall that Blaze made a deal with the devil, manifest in the form of Ciarán Hinds, and transformed into an inflamed nighttime rider gifted with the power to conjure hellfire. This time around, the Eastern European-set action find the devil searching for his son (Fergus Riordan) as a motorcycle-riding, gun-toting priest (Idris Elba) recruits our hero to shepherd the boy and his hot gypsy mother (Violante Placido) to safety.

The narrative is filler for the fiery supernatural shtick, the slow-mo stunt heavy explosive action and Hinds’ great marble-mouthed, quasi-Marlon Brandon devil routine. Neveldine and Taylor imbue the picture with that all important tongue-in-cheek irreverence, relying on good-natured weirdness (cue random Jerry Springer reference), unrelenting energy, and some amusing third-dimensional playfulness.

Most importantly, these filmmakers are the perfect facilitators for one of Cage’s oddball performance masterpieces, another landmark in his career of crazy. Despite appearances, his work in Spirit of Vengeance is far removed from the lowest end of the Cage paycheck part realm, that terrifying dungeon of cinematic despair occupied by The Sorcerer’s Apprentice, Season of the Witch, and too many others.

The actor, a comic nut, clearly loves Johnny Blaze, throwing himself into every ounce of the character’s tortured mania. He screams and laughs, rants and raves, dramatically suffers and shows regular-guy tenderness toward his charges. All and all, the co-directors understand that they have happy, productive, kooky Cage on hand, not sullen money-hungry Cage, and they let him loose, bringing joy to the world and future YouTube viewers.

The Upside: Nicolas Cage is his usual hilarious self and this sequel is much more entertaining than the original.

The Downside: It’s still a sequel to Ghost Rider.

On the Side: If you don’t have a weakness for Cage’s antics, and you can’t tolerate CGI nonsense, you’d be better served finishing off that list of Oscar contenders.

When I first heard about Sebastián Silva’s next movie, Magic, Magic, I had yet to see any of the director’s work, but I was excited at the cast he had assembled, because it was made up mostly of hot young actresses. Since then, some of that has changed.

If you’re not yet familiar with Silva, go check out his 2009 film The Maid. It’s a movie that managed to be tense and dramatic just by telling the story of an aging maid worried about losing her position in a prominent Chilean household because of the presence of a new, young au pair. In my opinion, it proved the man to have a sure hand behind the camera, and it put him firmly on the list of directors to watch. Go ahead, I’ll wait…

Okay, now that we’re all on the same page, let’s start getting excited for his new (and apparently newly untitled) thriller that stars some more familiar Hollywood names like Michael Cera, Juno Temple, Emily Browning, and Maria Full of Grace’s Catalina Sandino Moreno.

The new news about the project is that it has been picked up for distribution in the U.S., Latin America, Scandinavia, and Eastern Europe by Sony Pictures Worldwide Acquisitions; so it looks like most of us are going to get a chance to see it on the big screen. SPWA describes the film by calling it, “the chilling story of a young American woman (Temple) vacationing with her friends in a remote part of Chile, who begins to mentally unravel and enters into a world of disturbing landscapes and crushing terror,” which lines up pretty closely with what we heard about the film before; so despite the fact that it lost its title at some point during development, it doesn’t seem like the story has been tweaked at all.

The film is set to begin filming this spring in Chile, so we can all start getting jealous of Michael Cera for getting to go see a beautiful country in the company of so many pretty young fillies now.  Remember when this guy kept saying he wanted to quit acting? What a jerk! [THR]

The merch world has been ablaze recently with talk of the annual Toy Fair, which as ever has teased some fantastic products set for release within the next year or so, with big news coming for the Amazing Spider-man and Avengers lines, and a lot of frankly mind-boggling non-movie related toys that seem to come from a totally different planet than the simple blocks and cars I used to play with in the Time Before Beard.

As usual, here are the finest merchandise discoveries of the week, two of which come directly from the Toy Fair, as well as the usual T-shirt of the week, inspired by the increasingly exciting upcoming release of Prometheus, which I will hopefully be seeing at Cannes for FSR if all goes to plan (and it’s actually there). Booby traps negotiated, angry native tribes dodged, I emerged blinking into the light, victorious and mucky with the treasures that you should all go and buy. Keep the industry alive. Bally-ho! Assemble! And other such rallying calls.

1. The Lizard

The most personally exciting reveal from the Toy Fair for me was the revelation of Spiderman’s latest adversary, with Diamond Comics Distributors’ Marvel Select Lizard action figure, which is spectacularly detailed, and offers a hugely exciting tease of what we can expect Rhys Ifans’ character to look like (complete with eye-wateringly large organic cod-piece). No word yet on the price of these beauties, but I’d hazard a guess at $25 to $30 for the action figure (and rightly so, based on the quality) and considerably more for the bust.

The unfortunate contradiction these days for kids is that this kind of exceptional quality in toys makes them entirely unplayable-with, so mint in the box it is. Dictatorial? Possibly. But toys like this aren’t for sticky-handed nippers anyway.

2. The Walking Dead Season 2 Special Edition Set

Consider the humble Blu-ray box: cruelly never heralded as anything but a receptacle to be handled without care, and sometimes even thrown away in favour of disc wallets or hard-drives. But the special edition will keep physical distribution and the box alive, and the medium will no doubt continue in limited scope well beyond distributors’ decision to move to digital distribution for 99% of sales. And there are some really very prestigious Blu-ray box sets on the horizon, like this one. Believe it or not, that image is indeed of a Blu-ray box. The best damn Blu-ray box set in all the world, and another one from the Toy Fair, which featured a raft of upcoming Walking Dead products.

With crafting almost as impressive as the prosthetics used on the TV series itself, the box features an ow-y to end them all and would make a fantastic center-piece for any real collector’s special edition display (alongside the Alien head box set, Hogwarts set and Night Owl Watchmen collector’s edition). Astounding that this much work has gone into a box, and price will surely be no object for those who want it. I know it won’t be for me.

3. Monty Python Bunny Slippers

Cute and terrible at the same time: such is the oxymoronic existence of the The Killer Rabbit of Caerbannog of Monty Python fame, which has now been immortalized by BunnySlippers.com with irresistible results.

The mouths open and close when you walk, for God’s sake. And yes, it is wholly appropriate for grown men and women to wear fluffy slippers – comfort should know no age restrictions.

You can pick a pair up here.

T-Shirt of the Week

As worn by Alien-bait Pvt. Frost. Tell people that in bars, they’ll be hugely impressed with how much you know about minor characters in Ridley Scott’s superior sequel…

Buy it here.

Spend your allowance with more great items in the Merch Hunter archives.

Looks like Netflix is again going back on a controversial decision, but perhaps too late to salvage any customers it might have lost in the first place. Last year, Netflix cut its bread-and-butter plan: the DVD-0nly version that launched the company to begin with. CEO Reed Hastings has made no bones about the fact that he thinks that streaming is the wave of the future and that the DVD arm of their business will steadily decline “forever” until they’re left with nothing but a pile of really expensive coasters while their customers happily consume film after film after television series on Watch Instantly.

Yet, despite what Hastings thinks, and despite the popularity of Watch Instantly, cutting DVD-only plans apparently hasn’t worked out for the company, because they’re bringing them back. In a post on the official Netflix blog (via Gizmodo), the company announces that customers can again sign up for a DVD-only plan. The plans start at just $7.99/month, and will include access to  around 100,000 titles on DVD. Upgrades to Blu-ray will cost an additional two dollars per disc.

Over at /Film, they note that DVD-only plans never truly went away, but they were not available as a standalone choice when a subscriber first signed up, and it required some silly and complicated rejiggering to get to a DVD-only service. As they note,  “since last year, Netflix has only allowed new customers to sign up for its Watch Instantly service. Once an account had been set up, subscribers had the option of adding DVD and dropping streaming. The ‘new’ plan merely simplifies the process for consumers who prefer to just get DVDs to begin with.” What’s interesting is that the actual blog post from Netflix even makes mention of this issue – saying that members “can now easily sign up for a DVD only plan.” The implication? It wasn’t easy before.

While I respect and understand Netflix’s belief that streaming is the next wave and that they need to direct their business to that end, I don’t respect or understand Netflix’s repeated mistakes and missteps that have only annoyed their customers. Moreover, their backpedaling on stuff like this and that awful Qwikster kerfuffle signal that there’s something amiss when it comes to Netflix’s ability to gauge what their customers want, execute it in a clean fashion, and profit from the moves both financially and with happy customers. No matter what your business is, being that tone-deaf to the needs of your customers and that prone to making big, public mistakes is a bad sign.

This week, Fat Guy Kevin Carr takes the week off because the studios didn’t screen the new releases anywhere near him. In fact, he was specifically told not to come to one particular screening. And that can’t be a good sign, can it? What else can you expect for the movies in the weeks leading up to the Oscars, ‘cause the new ones in the theaters don’t stand a chance of winning anything next year. To take away the pain of not seeing movies this week, Kevin makes a deal with the devil, selling his soul for the ability to set his skull on fire whenever he sees a bad movie. Unfortunately, the light from said flaming skull got him kicked out of the theater because someone thought he was using his cell phone to pirate the film.

Want to hear what Kevin has to say on the Fat Guys at the Movies podcast? Click here to listen as Kevin is joined by Ronald Nicholls from BoxOfficeBUZ.com to talk about what they didn’t see this week.

GHOST RIDER: SPIRIT OF VENGEANCE
Studio: Columbia Pictures

Rated: PG-13 for intense sequences of action and violence, some disturbing images, and language

Starring: Nicolas Cage, Idris Elba, Ciaran Hinds, Christopher Lambert and Violante Placido

Directed by: Neveldine/Taylor

What it’s about: In this sequel to the 2007 Marvel superhero movie, Nicolas Cage returns as the vigilante with the flaming skull. Johnny Blaze (Cage) is still trying to break the curse in which a vengeful demon pimps out his ride with flames and smoke. An old friend asks for his help to find a boy who is destined to become the antichrist before the Devil can fulfill a prophecy.

What makes the grade: It’s rare to be able to draw such a distinct line between the good and the bad of a movie. While Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance appears on the surface to be absolute crap, there are some redeeming value to it. Most of that comes in the form of the digital effects, which look much cooler and grittier than in the previous films, as well as the action moments.

Directors Neveldine and Taylor have shown time and again that they can handle high-octane action, as evidenced by their Crank films. Like a Transformers movie, when shit is blowing up, the movie is actually pretty cool.

What fails: Unfortunately, Neveldine and Taylor also prove with this movie that they can’t really make anything of substance beyond the Crank films. The plot is mostly nonsensical with an extremely disjointed flow. We see Blaze jump from scene to scene, often without explanation or transition. Similar to the Neveldine and Taylor mess that was Gamer, the reels of this movie could be shuffled around and yield as much understanding of the plot.

The 3D can be cool at times, but unfortunately Neveldine and Taylor didn’t adjust their shooting style to account for it. This results in shots and sequences that are so hard to focus on that your own skull might burst into flame. What’s worse is these moments come at the beginning of the film, when your eyes haven’t fully adjusted to the 3D.

Then there’s Nicolas Cage. Like William Shatner in the 80s, he’s finally in on the joke of how ridiculous he is in these movies. Less than seven minutes from when he shows up in the film (in voice over), he’s going full Cage, something he repeats no less than four times. One of the times he goes full Cage is so extreme that he cranks the Cage meter past Nigel Tufnel’s uber-powerful 11, reaching at least a 13 on a scale of 1-to-10. This whole demonstration might be a positive to some moviegoers, but it just got out of hand for me.

Who is gonna like this movie: Die-hard fans of Neveldine/Taylor.

THE SECRET WORLD OF ARRIETTY
Studio: Disney

Rated: G

Starring: Bridgit Mendler, Amy Poehler, Carol Burnett, Will Arnett and David Henrie

Directed by: Hiromasa Yonebayashi and Gary Rydstrom

What it’s about: Based on the classic book “The Borrowers,” this film tells the story of a family of tiny people living under the floors and in the walls of our world. Fourteen-year-old Arrietty is taken on her first “borrowing,” in which her family takes a little bit of what they need from the human beings they live amongst, and she is accidentally seen by a boy living in the house. Arrietty’s family determines they must move to survive, but she insists the boy won’t hurt them. While this may be the case, being revealed to the boy’s family might result in danger.

What makes the grade: I’m a sucker for Studio Ghibli movies, and while this isn’t directed by legendary director Hayao Miyazaki, his gentle touch is seen in the film. (He was involved in the planning and writing of the movie.)

The Secret World of Arrietty is a beautiful film, celebrating the wonder of nature and the fascination that can be found in things big and small. It’s a charming film with its heart in the right place. There are themes of coexistence and acceptance that are clear in the film, but they’re not so pushy that it becomes preachy.

This may not be the best Studio Ghibli has to offer, but it’s pedigree helps it become a wonderful little movie to watch. Even though it is very much geared towards children, it has plenty to say to adults, and it takes its time. The movie doesn’t force itself on the viewer, and it challenges him or her to fall in love with the setting, characters and world that Arrietty and her family inhabits.

What fails: There’s very little problems with this film. Having not read the book (or seen the live-action American version from the 90s), I can’t say how close it is to the subject matter. But it works as a stand-alone film. The biggest problem one might have in seeing this is facing a restless theater of kids whose parents don’t demand any sort of attention span beyond your basic episode of Yo Gabba Gabba.

Who is gonna like this movie: Fans of Studio Ghibli films.

UNDEFEATED
Studio: The Weinstein Company

Rated: PG-13 for some language

Starring: Montrail ‘Money’ Brown, O.C. Brown, Bill Courtney, Chavis Daniels and Mike Ray

Directed by: Daniel Lindsay and T.J. Martin

What it’s about: No, this isn’t that movie about Sarah Palin. Instead, it’s an Oscar-nominated documentary about the Manassas Tigers high school football team in Memphis. The film follows the team’s struggles as they try to get their hands on a winning season. But poverty, family strife and general problems of life make this a huge challenge for the players and their coach.

What makes the grade: Like a football-lite version of Hoop Dreams, Undefeated is less about the actual sport and more about the players and the challenges they face in life. It’s a film that can be inspiring and heartbreaking at the same time.

At a time when educators are under attack all around this country, Undefeated shows them in a very human and positive light. Coach Bill Courtney doesn’t always make the best decisions, and he’s not a perfect man, but his story of how he handles the players on the team is one that’s worth noting.

What fails: Like most documentaries, Undefeated faces some pacing issues, with some sequences feeling like they are put in there for little more reason than to pad the running time. There’s also a nod to the same criticisms that the Tuohy’s from The Blind Side, questioning whether it’s ethical to just help out students who are potentially great sports players. Still, if you can look past the structure and foibles of a documentary, it’s still a worthwhile movie to watch.

Who is gonna like this movie: Fans of inspirational sports documentaries.

THIS MEANS WAR
Studio: 20th Century Fox

Rated: PG-13 for sexual content including references, some violence and action, and for language

Starring: Tom Hardy, Reese Witherspoon, Chris Pine, Laura Vandervoort and Til Schweiger

Directed by: McG

What it’s about: Reese Witherspoon stars as a women who is dating two men (Tom Hardy and Chris Pine). The problem is these guys are both CIA agents and the best of friends. When the guys discover their quandary, they decide to compete for her acceptance as the only man in her life.

What makes the grade: I can’t actually say what works in this movie because I didn’t get a chance to see it. Not for lack of trying, mind you. In fact, that story has as many twists and turns in it as This Means War does.

First, the studio was planning on opening the film on President’s Day weekend, because that’s a natural fit for an action comedy about CIA agents. Of course, being a Fox film, it wasn’t going to be screened in my market. Then, the studio decided to open it on Valentine’s Day and take advantage of the “make war, not love” angle. They sent out about a jillion press releases to support this.

Then, Fox decided to only sneak it on Valentine’s Day in order to get a date night bump. I took the opportunity to get a babysitter and take my lovely and gracious wife to see it. Of course, due to what appears to be a bad business decision, the normally reliable web site MovieTickets.com and AMC theater chain had parted ways. Unfortunately, this resulted in all the showtimes listed on MovieTickets.com to be inaccurate. In the end, my wife and I didn’t have a babysitter for long enough to see the movie at the time they were showing it, so we just had an early dinner and went home.

I swear, I haven’t tried so hard to see a movie that was actually available to the general public and failed so completely do to so.

What fails: But this is all well and good because I hear from trusted friends that this is not a good film. It makes a good trailer, but I’ve heard the movie is quite uninspired. And I’m inclined to believe them, not because there were no screenings in my market, but because it’s directed by McG. If you don’t understand that, I have four words for you: Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle.

Who is gonna like this movie: My wife would have probably enjoyed it quite a bit. Oh well…we’ll wait for the Blu-ray.

Grade: McG

What is Movie News After Dark DRINKING? It’s what happens when Neil leaves and Kate Erbland and I joke about me doing this column drunk and then don’t realize that’s probably a bad idea until the next day.

So hello and welcome to maybe the only installment ever of Movie News After Drinking, brought to you by Old Crow Bourbon. Old Crow Make it a Double! (Note: We should get paid for this). I think my introduction needs to be longer before I put that page break thing here and before I get fired for making a mockery of this column. Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance came out today and it should come as little surprise that most people hate the movie. Our boy Jack Giroux reviews the flick over at TheFilmStage where he politely points out that Jerry Springer jokes are old enough to be getting paternity tests themselves (that means they’re like 15 years old).

If you thought that (pregnant pause I am thinking really hard ) – that Will Smith’s diarrhea of a good idea I Am Legend needed a sequel, congratulations, you are either a primate or a Hollywood executive. Our acquaintances at BadassDigest report that Akiva Goldsman has been hired to make a squeakquel. Fans of the original story should continue not giving a shit, considering the first film didn’t give a shit about the source material either, to such a degree that the title stopped making any sense. Is this good news or bad news? BAD NEWS BEARS, HOMIE. Who cares? Not me. I mean, the film was actually kind of entertaining for like an hour but the ending was super stupid and the vampires were kind of like those long necked bastards from Attack of the Clones.

Because of the four day weekend (Hooray, Presidents!) Sony and BoxOfficeMojo are predicting that Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance will win the weekend regardless of quality, with an estimated $20-30 million. WE’LL SEE ABOUT THAT.

Speaking of attacking, Starz! currently has Attack the Block playing in HD, so like, check it out (note: we should get paid for this too).

Moving on, the cool minds at Mondo are celebrating the Oscars this year by doing what they do best: creating pretty righteous posters. If I did this right and there is no guarantee I did, you should be able to click on this image here and it will get like really big and be of Rango, which I hope wins for best animated feature. The other posters they have are both for Hugo, which you can check out at /Film or probably on our site at some point later I don’t know.

In response to a query from Moon director Duncan Jones, Scott Weinberg compiled a great list of Foreign Action Films over at Movies.com. I’ve seen most of what the list has to offer and feel good about telling you to check it out too. A lot of the flicks are on Netflix. The only thing I’m not sure of is how Rare Exports and Saint Nick made the list – they’re both actually really enjoyable movies, but they’re more horror than action.

As you probably have come to realize, there are a bunch of different Wizard of Oz things happening and by a bunch I mean Sam Raimi’s Oz: The Great and Powerful. Thanks to the fine folks at /Film I now also know about Dorothy and the Witches of Oz, which looks low budget and strange via this trailer, but to be honest in my drunken stupor I’m like “this is cool” and Doc Brown is in it. Check it!

Michael Fassbender, who you’ll recognize from X-Men First Class, Inglorious Basterds, or His Penis, is working with writer Ronan Bennett to craft a story about the Celtic Warrior Cuchulain, according to /Film. I’m not going to pretend to know anything about this, but apparently a lady attacks some dudes over a bull that is particularly good at fucking and making other bulls and I found this image when I searched:

So apparently Cuchulain is also the Irish Wolfhound. Based on that image alone I think I’m down to see this movie because it seems like a lot of people will get killed over something very stupid.

Coming full circle back around to Ghost Rider, cool dude and screenwriter Todd Farmer had a journal post today at his Wendago Blog about his attempt to bring Ghost Rider to the screen in the sequel. He kindly links to his treatment which was dismissed as being “too violent,” which is a shame since the studio opted to go with a movie that was “too stupid” and directors who are “too bad.” BURN NOTICE. I think Farmer and Patrick Lussier would have made a good Ghost Rider flick. In many ways Drive Angry is Ghost Rider but in a car instead of on a motorcycle and with a regular Nic Cage face instead of a flaming skull. Avi Arad was the one to pass on the project so there’s that.

I leave you tonight with a video, because it seems like that is what I’m supposed to do. I have chosen the trailer for 7500, an upcoming supernatural thriller starring True Blood’s Ryan Kwanten because I think he is awesome and I sat next to him at a screening of Safe House. Also, the cast of this movie is very attractive, except for that Entourage kid.

This Means War is, as McG puts it, exactly what you think a McG movie is. It’s as commercial and open as a movie can get, something the director has no shame about. Plenty scoff at the idea of loving the tag of a “populist” filmmaker, not McG. Clearly he sees his films as being more than dumb fun, though, and strives to make sure they’re not that.

Films similar to This Means War usually don’t strike audience members as being a “personal” project in some fashion. That doesn’t seem to be the case for McG, as he puts it. This Means War has a scene featuring two of the leads discussing Alfred Hitchock, and you can just feel the director taking the opportunity to talk through his characters. It’s a fanboy touch, and he came off as the most energetic kind in our conversation.

Here’s what McG had to say about embracing the title of a populist filmmaker, leaving behind med school for music and film, and reflecting on Terminator Salvation:

Have you been looking at the word-of-mouth screening reports anxiously?

The word-of-mouth screening reports are fantastic, but the critics are mixed. I’m disappointed. I mean, it’s never going to be the film that’s fun to say how much you loved it. To me, the success of the film is its originality. You can’t look at it and say, “Oh, it’s just like this and that.” It’s its own animal, and that’s hard to do. I wish people would put more focus on that. You know, I read things about people kicking me because of my name. You know, ten or twelve years into this, that’s frustrating. It’s just the name I was given when I was born. Like, give me a break…

I don’t think you should take those opinions too seriously.

Yeah, but they’re out there. The voice is the voice. Look, I’m a populist filmmaker, and there’s no doubt about it. I don’t apologize for it. You know, you’re in an art form that’s designed to be seen by many people. It feels better when people respond to your material than when they respond negatively.

Did you know early on that you wanted to be a populist filmmaker?

Not necessarily. It’s just who I really am. I can’t be someone I’m not. I’m raised on all movies, and I certainly make no apology for enjoying E.T., Star Wars, Back to the Future, and Forrest Gump, films I thought were magical. And the films of David Lean. I would look at Doctor Zhivago and I would dream about Russian landscapes [Laughs]. Just other worldly films were just what I was raised on. Between that and the music I’ve been exposed to my whole life, it’s just the path that I’ve walked. What you see is what you get. I feel like This Means War is a McG movie, you know what I mean? It’s like we all know what a Woody Allen movie is or a Quentin Tarantino movie or a Wes Anderson movie or a Michael Bay movie, and I think there’s such a thing as a “McG movie.” It’s certainly the privilege of the audience to like that or hate that, but this is who I am. I like action, romance, and comedy very much. And I like honesty in what it means to be out there and be alive.

You can see the love for certain films in your work. I was watching Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle the other day and I was surprised to see a reference to Cape Fear, with the score [Laughs].

[Laughs] Of course. I mean, that movie changed my life. Whenever I can, I have a guy getting out of jail [Laughs]. Yeah, I grew up in the home video age, so I had the opportunity to see every movie ever made. Everyday I would watch two or three movies, and I would just absorb them. I would look at Rope from Alfred Hitchcock, and I’d look for where he hid the cut and how it was achieved. I would watch Citizen Kane every week. Then I’d go see Tootsie three times over at the theater over the weekend. I’m just from the heart of the hearts. I’m just a genuine film enthusiast. I love movies, and I think because my life is boring and small. I grew up in a track housing community in the suburbs, and all I had was the movies to offer transport.

Is that where the personal side of populist filmmaking comes from, making homages to the movies you love? 

Yeah, that to me… the movies are designed to work on different levels. For those who choose to pay a little more attention, there’s always cookies. Be it the Hitchcock references, the Gene Wilder references, or the fact that there’s a girl dancing to Montell Jordan‘s “This Is How We Do It,” while also watching Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid. That’s two things: one, a very cool choice for a girl to be watching, so who doesn’t love that girl? And two: it’s obviously a metaphor for what Chris and Tom are experiencing through the movie. Yeah, that’s what I’m trying to do. It’s frustrating sometimes, because I don’t think many people notice that.

You also have a nod to Titanic.

Well, I have a nod to Titanic because the man who shot Titanic, Russell Carpenter, shot this movie. The irony of a movie within a movie amuses me. Again, it’s a lonely amusement because I don’t think there’s a whole lot of people coming out of the multiplex who make that connection. I mean, just the fact that Russell shot that shot being yelled at by Jim Cameron with Leo and Winslet up there on the ship, and now, in this, there’s a character watching that. And that’s just the art imitates type of thing that amuses me. I find that very fun and cheeky.

[Spoiler Alert]

That character, FDR, is a jerk for most of the movie, so it’s interesting to have his humanizing scene to be watching Titanic [Laughs].

We had to work very carefully that that character seemed worthy of her choice in the end. Hardy is so fundamentally empathetic and a guy at a moment of reflection in his life. Pine is just sort of this guy who wants to run around with super models, until he meets Reese. He thinks, “Wait a second, I’d throw it all away, to have her at my side,” and I think Reese represents that in real life. I mean, you and I are two guys talking, and she’s just, for a lack of a better way to put, is wife material. She’s certainly pretty enough, intelligent enough, would keep you on your toes, let you get away with anything, and she’s just a dimensionalized, highest-quality woman.

What other endings did you have?

We had an ending where Tuck got the girl. We had an ending where neither got the girl. I wanted to hold on to the track race, the bitter, bitter last moment. I felt like I did that when I showed the movie to Reese in the editing room. Literally, we were 90 minutes into a 100 minute film and she looked at me and said, “I don’t know who I’m going to choose.” At that moment I thought, “Okay, I’ve done it: I’ve presented both characters fairly and you invest.”

[Spoiler Over] 

I could buy them neither getting the girl. It was ironic the day I saw the movie, in my writing class, we talked about contrasexuals, and I think Tuck and FDR are definitely that.

That’s interesting. Where do you study?

I’m at a community college. I’m going to Maryland next semester. 

Oh, that’s great. What city are you in?

Bethesda.

Oh, okay, I know it well. I spend a lot of time in DC. I’m in and out of your neck of the woods, with New York and Philly.

Did you go to film school?

No, I went to school to be a doctor, in fact. I was studying psychology and was getting ready to go to med school, until I realized my love was for music and film. I mean, I’ve been into music and film since before I have memories. I’m the youngest of three. My dad would listen to jazz, my sister would listen to disco, and my brother was listening to hard rock, Led Zeppelin and what have you. I grew up in this cacophonous house of people competing for sound space. Then we’d go to the movies and we’d watch whatever movie came on television, with great regularity, and that was just my life.

As soon as I figured out I was going to med school for all the wrong reasons, I said I was going to immerse myself in music and film, and I went for it. I started my own record label in Orange County, California. I was friends with Gwen Stefani and this kid Zack de la Rocha who was Rage Against the Machine. I knew a bunch of kids who were rock and rollers, so I started making their records and we wrote songs together. Because I was a still photographer, I had taken all the pictures for the band. In the age of music videos, I started shooting all their videos without knowing that’s what I was doing. It was just a way for me to develop my visual signature and putting a lot of film through the camera and keeping it moving.

That must have been a pretty big whiplash going from med school to that.

Sort of. All through med school I was super into the music scene, and I was into it in high school as well. I mean, I had orange dreadlocks down to my ass. In college I was always into it, but I felt pressure of staying the course of school, because I come from a very academic family. It wasn’t until I summoned enough courage to branch out on my own. My parents thought I was crazy and I was broke doing it. By the hair on my chinny chin chin, I pulled it off, got it together, and started making music videos in the golden age of music videos, when it was me, Spike Jonze, Hype Williams, David Fincher, Mark Romanek, and Michel Gondry. We all sort of came up in that period and carved out our niche.

It must have been a tough life decision, at the time.

It was a tough life decision, because I don’t have a rich uncle in Hollywood. I don’t have shit. You know, I had to bite, scratch, and kick. Actually, the first video I ever made I hid in a pizza box and had it delivered to the head of Atlantic Records, hoping he would think it was a pizza and be barely amused enough to watch it, and he did. It worked out. Nothing ever came easy, I promise you that.

Do you still have that feeling? Obviously it’s not easy getting a movie made, especially now.

Making movies is getting tougher and tougher because they’re very expensive and people have so many alternatives for entertainment. I mean, there’s so much quality television on, with Showtime and HBO and the networks. Video games are photo realistic. The net is amusing, and you can find anything you want on YouTube. The malls all look like Disneyland, so they’re fun to walk around in. There’s much more going on.

I’d imagine today you’d probably not be able to get We Are Marshall made at a studio.

I doubt it. I mean, it’s a very secular, Americana type of movie. I made that movie for personal reasons, because I was afraid of flying for about 15 or 20 years. That movie being about a plane crash was the equivalent of me walking into the bat cave and letting the bats fly all over me and just facing my fears. I had to fly into that airport, Huntington, West Virginia, where that plane crashed on approach. There was a very, very personal movie for me.

Did you also see it as setting a challenge for yourself, doing something very different compared to Charlie’s Angels movies?

Yeah, I just wanted to expand my horizons. No matter what movie you make, people are going to try to put you in a box, and I’ve always fought against being put in a box. You know, to me, We Are Marshall was as antithetic as I could hope it to be from Charlie’s Angels. It was a very calm, very specific kind of movie that wasn’t ultra-colorful or bouncy. It was a drama that was about humanity and overcoming immeasurable grief, which, naturally, were not the themes of Charlie’s Angels [Laughs].

[Laughs] I was probably one of the people bashing the idea of that movie when it came out, but I just rewatched it and I think it works.

I hope so. I thought the girls were at the right place in the right time. You know, it was novel at the time to bring in Hong Kong wire-work that nobody had really done with women. The only powerful female action characters were what Sigourney Weaver did in Alien and, of course, Sarah Connor. I just though, “Hey, why not?” I thought we’d have the girls own their beauty and still kick ass, and we’d have a good time doing it. It just seemed like the right thing at the right time.

When you got offered that –

I didn’t get offered that. I had to beg, fight, and bite. I didn’t get offered shit. They said no seven times before I could go in there and get a meeting, to pitch what I thought was the film. I had to do the film in real time and the only person who was protecting me was Drew [Barrymore]. The studio wanted nothing to do with me at the time, but reluctantly they went for it.

What made you go after it like that?

I just really wanted to make a movie. I felt that I understood the tone of the movie. For This Means War, it was meant to be funny, action packed, contemporary, funny, aspirational, escapist and filled with joy and heart, and there’s are all the touch words of why critics hate the material. Like I said, I just can’t apologize for who I am. I am who I am, and I gotta stay the course now.

Tonally, they both go for that cool vibe: good-looking people doing cool things. 

Well, yeah, unapologetically so. I come from the world of movie stars. I like Cary Grant, Rock Hudson, and movies that are larger than life, like The Sound of Music and even Pretty Woman, for God’s sakes. I have no problem with perpetuating the idea of aspirational, beautiful filmmaking, and I like that. It’s a very unchic thing to say, but I like those movies and I’ll continue to see those movies. I always want intelligence to be there. If anything, my hope is to be smart fun. Nothing’s worst than boring, bad jokes and humor that’s not clever, and that’s decidedly not fun [Laughs]. There’s an element of subversive filmmaking in the choices I make and I try to keep it lively. For those who choose to look a little deeper, I think there’s always something to be discovered.

Obviously making films of this scope, how do you maintain a level of respect for a big audience?

I definitely respect the audience. I’m not interested in seeing films behind closed screening doors. I go the multiplexes all over the nation and all over the world. When I sit in the theater, I listen to the rhythm of the audience. I like to watch movies that I produce or I’m behind in any way, and watch it through the lens of an audience because I’m still that kid in the audience dreaming about the movies. You know, I would argue the most prolific filmmaker in history is Steven Spielberg, and he tries to do the same thing. Spielberg is a film fan first. He’s a fan. I’m a fan. I mean, Martin Scorsese‘s a fan and Quentin Tarantino‘s a fan, and those were the two strongest supporters I got when I made Charlie’s Angels. Quentin Tarantino and Martin Scorsese told me how much they like the movie, and I thought they were pulling my leg. I nearly fell over. That gives me a lot of courage.

Will you go see This Means War Friday night with an audience?

Always. I do that every time I make a movie. I’ll go tomorrow night when it sneaks on Valentine’s Day.

Do you find that never-wracking?

Yeah, because you want it to play well. You know, I just enjoy it and let the truth be the truth. We’ll let the chips fall where they may. I’ve sat in many theaters with this film and I’ve heard it play, and it’s a real crowd-pleaser. I think the jokes are very funny, I think Chelsea works well, and the chemistry between the two guys are great. You can believe in Tom Hardy and Chris Pine. As a guy, you can be excited about what those guys are doing. One guy’s Kirk and one guy’s Bane, for God’s sake.

[Laughs] It’s an interesting transition going to This Means War from Terminator Salvation, which, in popcorn movie terms, was bleak. Was it a conscious decision to make something lighter?

Yeah… listen, Terminator is one of those ones — I like the movie, but I would change the ending a little bit, if I could. I thought that movie was of the highest-quality. I thought Bale and Sam were amazing. I thought the movie worked very, very well. I’d like to sit and watch that movie with people who didn’t like it and genuinely ask, “What is it about this movie you’re not responding to?” I like the action, the idea of how this is how Skynet came to be, Sam’s character, what Helena Bonham Carter did, and I definitely like what Bale was up to. I thought the action, the fun, and the grit was killer. I think that cameo we got out of the computer generated hybrid Arnold… I mean, I did everything I could to honor the hardcore fans, which I am one. Nobody can look at me and say, “I’m more into Terminator than you are.” The irony is, as people shat all over Terminator Salvation, don’t we all wish there was another one coming out this summer with Christian and Sam? I do.

I think some people were thrown off by the structure, where you weren’t really sure whose story it was.

That’s fairly put. I wish I could have shown you a rough cut early on and you could have brought that to my attention.

[Laughs] Did you test the film? Don’t you usually find that stuff out during that process?

Sometimes. I mean, for a big movie like, you don’t really test as much as I’d like to because they’re afraid of all the linking online. In retrospect, I would’ve tested the movie to find that feedback you spoke of. That would’ve been tremendous and valuable. You just get lost in the editing room, where you get mono-vision. I mean, you’re so close to the picture and it’s difficult.

With that movie, you also face the problem of what fans envision as that future. Every fan had an idea of what they want to see from that war, so that must have been a challenge.

I mean, it was difficult to please… you know, the movie made like 400 million dollars, so it’s not like it took shit. People liked it, it did well, and the reviews were mixed, and I wish it was an overwhelmingly positive thing. I wish we were making two more right now that Christian and I planned on making, but the rights got tied up with some crazy legal thing. We’ll see.

I know a lot of footage was cut from that movie. Do you think there’s a longer or different cut out there that could please fans who were more mixed on it?

Maybe. I mean, I’ve definitely got the footage to tell the story in a different way. I also have the black ending, which is where… let’s just put it this way: Skynet wins.

[Laughs] I read that leaked report.

[Laughs] So, you know, that’s out there. Maybe one day we’ll put that DVD together. Well, I’ll put that version together, since I don’t think DVD’s going to be around much longer.

Have you talked to Warners about releasing that cut?

Yeah, we’ve talked about it. When the time is right, we’ll do it.

Great. To end on and bring it back to This Means War, you could argue what the characters are doing is very selfish and pretty questionable. Did you ever think that the dilemma could easily become mean-spirited?

No, I think all the characters bring such good-will to the cinematic experience that they can getaway with it. I mean, some may frown on a woman dating two guys at the same time, but we all know Reese to be such a good person, and not a manipulative person. You benefit from that. She does it in a way that’s reluctant and Chelsea Handler’s pushing her into it. I think it becomes okay and just in the spirit of fun. Ultimately, it’s a good-spirited movie, not a mean-spirited movie. I think people just immerse themselves in the fun of what’s going on.

This Means War is now in theaters.

If this first trailer for Cherry is to be believed, stumbling into a career in pornography is shockingly easy – all it takes is one dirtbag boyfriend and one impressionable teenage girl. In Cherry, Ashley Hinshaw (who you might recognize from Chronicle) takes a few dirty pictures for some pocket change, as encouraged by her skeezy boyfriend Jonny Weston, but her cash-grabbing photo shoots have an unexpected result – they allow her enough money to run off to San Francisco with her best friend (played by, of all people, Dev Patel). In the city by the bay, Hinshaw (obviously) ends up starring in fetish porn films, falls into a destructive relationship with a coked-up lawyer (played, of course, by James Franco), and apparently lies a lot. Without that marquee cast, Cherry would sound a lot like some classic After School Special material.

But while Cherry sounds a bit basic, it does come complete with an interesting pedigree – it’s directed and co-written by first-time filmmaker Stephen Elliot, a former sex worker and author most famous for his lauded book “The Adderall Diaries.” The film also marks Elliot’s co-writer Lorelei Lee‘s first foray into screenwriting, though she has an extensive list of starring roles in various pornos, all complete with titles I can’t list here, because this is a family site. Check out the trailer for Cherry after the break, hopefully after you nix any plans for your own porno career.

“Cherry is about Angelina (Ashley Hinshaw), an 18-year-old girl on the verge of finishing high school. Angelina’s family life is difficult. Her mother (Lili Taylor) is an alcoholic and her step-father is violent and unpredictable. One morning her boyfriend (Jonny Weston) suggests she take naked pictures for money. She balks at first but then does the photo shoot, using the money to run-off with her best friend (Dev Patel) to San Francisco. In San Francisco, while cocktailing in a strip club, Angelina meets Frances (James Franco) a well-off lawyer who offers to introduce her to a different kind of world, a place full of expensive dresses and fancy parties. But that world is not as perfect as it first appears and Frances has problems of his own. At the same time Angelina, using the moniker Cherry, has begun exploring the San Francisco porn industry under the direction of Margaret (Heather Graham) a former performer turned adult film director.”

Cherry premiered at the Berlin Film Festival, but a little bunny tells me that our own Cole Abaius might have missed this one. The film has yet to be picked up for U.S. release, but with Franco’s name on this one, that likely won’t hold for too long. [via FirstShowing]